Teresz

Happy New Year

teresz — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 02:21:31 +0000

When you forget your WordPress password…yeah, its been a while. Happy New Year! Had a rather uneventful new year. Not bad…just uneventful. They say how you bring in the New Year is how it will end (?) …wait is that right? I dont know. I plan to make this new year Shine! But dont we all say something similar to that effect every new year. then it just usually tapers off around…oh…the second week of january Its okay though. our intentions were in the right place and thats all that matters.

But really, this time this year is going to be fantastic. i swear. the very scary plan to move is coming quicker than expected. the very hectic schedule i might get due my second job. (mama gotta make that money) and the absolutly no processed foods under any circumstances. And to note im doing amazing. i had a withdraw headache for like a straight week, but im all good.

Writing. Im not going to give myself any type of ‘challenge’ or tell myself to write at least one paragraph a day bs. because it never quite sticks, then i end up feeling like i failed at something. So ill simply write whenever the moment calls. and i swear, ill at least finish the short stories i posted on this blog. thats the least i can do.

I also plan to cook more. something about cooking after the holidays, feels so relaxing. there’s no holiday rush and sharing with 10 other family members. (yep i said it)

Anywho i wish everyone a very blessed New Year. And may you be surrounded by positivity only.

Peace & Blessings

Etsy find

teresz — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 17:34:00 +0000

Kind of falling in love with these Vases.
From Etsy.
I’m imagining these in a spa like setting. Usually day spas have anywhere to 6 to 50 treatment rooms. And with these rooms come a theme. Its usually labeled on each of the doors. Themes more than likely represent herbs and flowers that fall under aromatherapy. Or they could be exotic places: Room Madagasgar, Mediterranean, Tahiti, etc.
Anyways what I noticed with most of the themes, they often times stop right at the door. The actual treatment room is just four walls with no hint of the perceived theme.
So, I’m thinking these would be perfect right outside the door or somewhere in the treatment room. And each vase would have the actual herb or flower inside. The lavender room would have the lavender vase. Rose room, rose vase, and so on. Using actual living flowers or just faux accessories.

Or hell, these would look amazing in my bathroom or anywhere in my home:)

Now mind you these vases are one of those items where if I look long enough at them, I’m thinking “I can so make this myself” I mean its literally just a mason jar on a slab of painted wood. Yeah. But what are the chances that I would actually find the energy to do this myself. Slim.
So in the mean time these will definitely be on my wish list. Love it

Venting

teresz — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 04:06:32 +0000

I think I’m missing that ‘wild’ friend in the bunch. Used to always have a least one back in the day. Seems as though she’s disappeared. The one that was always into some shit. Yeah she’s dramatic, loud, possibly even a drunk. But hell if you don’t have a damn good time when she’s around. Now my nights or should I say evenings are filled with bowling, pool, or movies. Which I like, because I’m pretty much laid back anyways. But sometimes something is missing. I don’t always like to end my night at 9:30. When you have friends with kids, your night will end at 9:30. When you have friends who aren’t single…same as kids. They need to be home by 9:30. When you have really conservative friends, where their ‘night’ begins at 6pm, it is to be expected that they will be calling it a night at…9:30.
Maybe its because I would like to get crunk at least once every dog gone blue moon. Just saying.

the vest that saved my life

teresz — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 20:10:12 +0000

well maybe I wouldn’t go that far, but ya know

Perhaps I’m going about this all wrong. I wonder if I put as much focus as I am on attempting to create a relationship, into perhaps my goals, hobbies, career, finances, health…Would I have everything I want right now. At this point it seems that I’m letting my life be led by others around me. The last time I actually made a major decision based on solely me was at 21. I moved thousands of miles away because I wanted too. I felt a calling. Not based on someone else. But based on something. My intuition. My path. And everything else basically fell in place. The ‘what’, ‘when’, and ‘how’, came knowingly in my life because I usually had a plan. Although the ‘who’ was a bit of a mystery. I never in a millions years thought I would find myself with T. I never thought my main crew would consist of mainly trans women.(Yep) I never knew I would be in relationship with someone literally twice my age. The ‘who’s’ simply fell into my life naturally yet spontaneously. I didn’t force these people to me. They came in (and out) my life on their own. And the thing is when these ppl did choose to eventually leave I never felt the need to up root myself simply because they weren’t there anymore. I had other things going for me that held me grounded and most importantly, happy.

Basically now instead of making my choices based on the ‘what’, ‘when’, and ‘where’, I’m pretty much chasing the ‘WHO.’

So why did the vest save my life. It was the catalyst that prompted me to my AHA! moment. Two tea cups of rum and oj, a tub of popcorn, a pint of starbucks frappuccino ice cream, a bout of tears, a severe belly ache, a marathon of True Blood, and a 5hr nap, …later, I realize that I’ve been going about this all wrong.

the vest that I bought HER. The Response that she gave me. The awkwardness of the Situation. The now weird Silence. My Disappointment. And Confusion. Leading to a bit of Rebellion. And a dash of Fuck You. My initial idea of ‘Flirting in different area codes’ made me think. Why am I really moving back. Am I letting the ‘who’ make my Choices. Or am I being lead by the ‘what’, ‘when’, and ‘where?’

The Aha! moment?
I now know the answer to that.
Next question, what am I going to do about it?

*this post could also touch on the lines of gift giving and Receiving etiquette. But ill save that for another time

teresz — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 01:42:15 +0000

Where’s the outrage for the victims?

teresz — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 20:25:11 +0000

As I strained to hear the reporter on CNN, amidst the chatter in the lunch cafeteria at work, discuss the Joe Paterno incident, I actually didnt have to hear the full report. I pretty much got the gist of it. A coach for Penn State, Joe Paterno got fired regarding some type of involvement with child sex-abuse incidents. The next video that was portrayed, after they taped Joe walking across the field with a long face, was the one of people who had just turned over a van, ripped down light post, and plain out rioted the streets.

Pathetic.

After actually reading the full story of what exactly took place and Joe Paterno’s involvement, I still had the same point of view.

Pathetic.

Students and atlethes were shown crying over Paterno’s resignation. Discussing how this was unfair. Protest and signs were popping up among the streets, declaring the injustice of the situation. The constant pics and videos of Paterno looking sad and dissapointed.

Um excuse me? Where is the outrage for all the young boys the were sexually assaulted, raped, abused, and emotionally scarred? Why arent we flipping cars over for these young boys. Why arent students of Penn State rioting over the injustice that adults (that these boys looked up to) turned their backs on these children?

I think Victoria A. Brownworth comment’s on it better than me on “Why Don’t Male Children Matter“. She’s also a contributor for Curve.

What are we doing?

teresz — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 00:46:19 +0000

I’m sure one has asked that question at least once in their lifetime. It’s the question filled with confusion and bit of awkwardness. It’s the moment of sudden clarity that smacks you dead in your face.

Back tracking to a situation where we were supposed to ‘make up’ after a quarrel we had one night. Well, I didnt take the opporunity to do that. It actually wasnt even on my mind. I got out of bed. Decided that I hadnt sat on the balcony to watch the sun rise above the ocean. Nor did I take the time to read my doula book that I had bought along with me. Sipping my coffee, my eyes lazily mutitasking….staring at the distant waves, slowly reading the chapter regarding self hypnosis while giving birth and every now and then glancing at the Syfy zombie marathon that was taking place.

Heaven.

However, unbeknownst to me I was actually supposed to be ‘making up’ to A. And she was upset that I didnt ‘get it.’ In my head and also aloud I said if you were my girl then yeah I would have ‘made up.’ But your not. She said something on the lines of “Wow. It’s not about being my girlfriend, its about caring and simply being a friend. We don’t have to be together for you to check on me and see how I’m doing”.

Hm. Well, she has point. But where does it end.

I had ‘friend’ who wanted to hold hands as we walked through the store. I casually pulled away. She asked, “What? You don’t like to hold hands?” I responded, “I like to hold hands with my girlfriend.” (and your not) I didnt say that last part, but I think she got it.

Or the young lady who expected me to cook her dinner when she came over. When I ‘cooked’ her chilli dogs, she thought I had lost my mind. She was actually looking forward to a full course meal. Excuse me. Your not my woman, therefore all you will get is a hotdog and canned beans.

I don’t want there to be any confusion here. I’m not going to role play with you or play house. If you have a certain title in my life, friend, cuddy, date, bff, wife, you will be treated as such. You wouldnt treat your wife the same way you treat your cuddy. And vice versa. I feel like I make that very clear, through my words and actions.

I’ve seen it happen time and time again, esp. with lesbians when one side of the party is misled or simply confused.

When lesbians are simply ‘talking’, meaning in the stages of getting to know each other and one side may think they’re in a relationship.

Or if you’ve been in a relationship for a year or so, but you over hear your girlfriend refering to you as ‘that one chick I’ve been talking to’.

Or when the two of you have simply been fucking for the past 3 months, and you overhear her refer to you has her ‘wifey’ and she cant wait to make it legal. o_O

This is the kind of stuff I don’t want to get mixed up in. Even little things like declining to ‘makeup.’ And maybe it’s my defintion of ‘makeup.’ Perhaps I’m thinking more on the lines of the intimate (not sexual) way of ‘making up.’

I could have easily went into her room asked her if she was okay and left it at that. You don’t have to have a title to care, you just have to be a human being.

I think in my head I was just setting boundaries. I don’t want to play this girlfriend role, (and get hurt in the end) if that’s not how you see me. I don’t want to be another example above. Me assuming one thing, you thinking another.

That’s when I placed the question.

“What are we doing?’

*views from the villa*

Breast Cancer Awareness Month & Remembering

teresz — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 00:23:28 +0000

I remember her energy. So loving and warm. And happy. I remember us dancing at parties. her smile. I remember how she never drank alcohol. And always the life of the party. I remember her beautiful girlfriend. remember when it was getting close for me to leave mpls, I remember choking and tearing up, as told her in so many words that me and A. were splitting up. I remember how much love they both must have for each other, to be able to maintain their long distant relationship. I remember her telling me about her kids. I remember meeting one or two of them at a LGBT picnic. I remember committing a major fashion hiccup. wearing a very erotic t shirt with two scantily clad women embracing. geez, what was i thinking, smh. I remember holding a blanket up to my chest (for the next 5 hrs).

I simply remember her. And just her amazing presence. Our interactions were brief, but always memorable. You will Always be in my thoughts. Your smile, your laughter, your energy

Erin, you will Truly be missed.

~sunset 10-17-2011~

Facebook, ‘coming out’

teresz — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 21:15:58 +0000

In the Advocate advice column, it was asked if it was bad manners to ‘come out’ via facebook? Interesting. The author of the column noted that on his website poll, facebooking your ‘coming out’ status was highly unfavorable. However, in the comment section of his article people seemed to feel that coming out on Facebook was…okay. And that’s basically my feelings on the subject. There were some disagreements on how the original question was actually formed.

When you say coming out on Facebook, do you mean that absolutely nobody knows (except perhaps your lover). Or, do immediate loved ones know and your just bringing distant family/friends/associates up to speed.

Most agreed on the latter. I kind of fall into that category. I mean do I need to call every single person I know and divulge that yes I’m a lesbian. Not really. And honestly if you don’t know by now, then you probably don’t play a singnifant role in my life.

I remember years ago, when I first stated ’lesbian’ under orientation on MySpace (hence, years ago.) Upon starting my page up, I left that area blank. Back then my thinking was “I have family members on this site, how could I possibly say I’m gay” (the horror!) Eventually, perhaps a year after my page was up I decided, screw it. How long was I supposed to hide. I put ‘lesbian’ or ‘gay’ (i cant remember) under orientation and that was that. I do admit, that may have marked the beginning of me and my sis awkward relationship. Something had changed. Like that elephant in the room and no one dares mention it. However, it has become better now.

Now fast forward to Facebook. Mind you, I’m not an actively participant on FB. I’m on FB but I’m not. I have no urge to write on my wall or update a status. I have no interest in writing on other folks wall, commenting or liking anything. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of these things. It just feels like wasted energy. However, I do on occasion post photos. I will, every blue moon ‘like’ a comment or photo. But I really have to like it, lol. And rarely I’ll make a comment on someones wall. And yeah that’s pretty much my relationship with FB. So this past pride when I decided to post my mpls-pride pics, I received comments like, ‘soo, youre gay now’ and ‘how come you never told me’ and the oddest one ‘go-girl, congratulations!’ huh? Congratulations? I’m sorry, i don’t quite understand, lol

So for folks that didnt know, well they do now. Perhaps in their eyes, they saw me as ‘coming out.’ But no, Ive been out for ages now.

So, is it good manners to come out on facebook? Absolutely. There shouldnt be any rules to it. Just do it.

Lynx Celebration

teresz — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 17:49:38 +0000

If you havnt already heard by now, the WNBA Lynx have won the Championship!

The Minnesota Lynx and fans are celebrating the teams WNBA championship in the Twin Cities today. This will be the first win in 20 years for any professional sports championship in Minnesota. Leave it to the Lynx to break that record!

Also, Augustus was named MVP. Yeah!

(of course A. calls me from the parade, saying that it was crazy packed and already with a beer in hand)

and here i am at work

Well enjoy