Monthly Archives: April 2010

I am so in need of a career change. Its like the older you get, the more you realize the importance of waking up to do what you most love. Just having that paycheck is not cutting it anymore. Since my move here to this hot ass desert, I have definitly been on a rollercoaster as far as career wise. After enjoying working at the YW for a year and a half which was challenging yet fun, supportive, and structured. Then working one day a week at a day spa, which I absolutly loved, I felt I was fortunate to wake up going to 2 jobs I adored. Fast foward to my move, I expected a smooth transition. A replica of my past work experiences. Well Im guessing that’s why they call it LIFE. Because shit happens. And bascially I was knee deep in it on arrival. I couldn’t get a childcare job to save my life. And when jobs did seem promising, the wages were a complete joke. After that unsuccessful adventure I retreated back into massage, only to find out that I would need 100 more hrs added unto my already 600hrs. Of course, go figure. Yes, silly me should have done my research before hand. But would that have stopped me from moving, hm maybe, maybe not. Fast forward to today, I can’t wait to start taking my cont. ed classes for massage. However they won’t start till like August/September. But gives me time to get my funds right and all that good stuff. Really interested in  the LaStone class which incorporates cold stones not just hot ones and and also the Myotherapy class. Excited to have some extra experince on my resume instead of the same run of the mill: sweedish, deep tissue, aromatherpy, etc. The school also offers a meditation class. I may have to take that up. This is my ‘get shit done’ year. I got my list in hand and slowly marking off the task. Get job that offers full health benefits and everything under the sun (CHECK) Pay off that chunk of debt (CHECK) Pay off those little chucks of debt (CHECK, CHECK) other misc. goals (CHIGGIDY CHECK) But the way life works is that as soon as one is checked and off the list another one mysteriously appears. Gotta love it

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Posted by on April 30, 2010 in coming of age, dear diary


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Black Pride

Moments where I’m glad I’m a women of color. So strange today as I was having lunch in  the breakroom with about 5 of my coworkers, ranging from supervisors to my peers…I got up half way into lunch and went into my locker to get something to read. Found an ECHO magazine, which is Phoenix’ LGBT magazine. Went back to the lunch room table and engaged myself in an article about a lesbian comedian who had performed in the Pride festival. All but a moment later a guy co-worker, who I’m really cool with, compared to the other staff, ask  “What are you reading?”   I responded, “A magazine.” With a trace of ‘duh, can’t you see’ mixed in.  “Well what kind of magazine.”   “ECHO” I simply responded. Now get off my back, I silently thought. “Wait a minute, like Echo the clothing. You know like Marc Echo?” Through is thick Serbian accent I tried to understand what he said. So I just nodded and smiled. “Is it Echo clothing?” He asked again. “No.” I said. “Okay, let me see the cover.” I held up the cover for him. Which portrayed a pretty neutral photograph. It was simply a picture of a tatooed guy with a tank top, holding up a pass issue of Echo magazine. The co-worker nodded, but I could tell he still was not satisfied. “So what kind of magazine is it.” He asked once more. For God’s sake. “It’s a gay…and…lesbian…magazine. So obviously you wouldn’t be famililar with it.”  Mind you, when ever I’m nervous I talk a little bit louder. And I broke down each syllable in ‘gay’ and ‘lesbian’ as if I was speaking some type of foreign language. I would say I could literally hear a pin drop after I proclaimed my statement. But afterwards I swear everyone suddenly became a little bit hungrier as they  began stuffing food into their mouths all the while nodding ‘hmmms’ and ‘ooohhs.’ And at that moment I was so glad I was a woman of color, because I swear my face was on fire. I’m not light-skinned or dark skinned, just brown. So I prayed to God that the heat radiating off my cheeks werent lighting up the entire breakroom.  oddly enough, aside from my extreme blushing, I felt fine. I almost felt proud. Like “yeah I said it. Im a LESBIAN! And I don’t care who knows.” Lunch resumed I continued reading my Echo mag. Not long after, the male co-worker got up and made a quick exit out. I could only imagine that he was going to tell his breakroom story to the rest of the gossip hungry co-workers.

And yes sure enough as I entered the floor he made a joke like, “Oh we werent talking about you.” I simpley nodded okay. Then he asked, “So, how was your lunch.” With a weird grin. “It was fine, werent you there.”   “Yep, I was. But you werent talking to me.”  “Thats because I was reading my magazine.”  “Oh okay.” He says. Suddenly the girl off to my left bust out laughing and the other girl co-worker to my right keeps giving male co-worker the (subtle yet obvious) eye. Between fits of laughter co-worker to the right says to male c/w, “Just leave, okay.”

There is more small talk exchanged, but suddenly the front desk gets extremely awkward. And my prior feelings of pride are quickly drenched in humiliation. I leave and retreat to the ‘private’ desk off to the corner. As I make myself comfortable, the two girl c/w’s keep stealing glances at me as if this is their first time we’ve met.

Oh my gosh, is this highschool! I try not to let this embarressing awkwardness get to me, but I swear I feel like I need a hug, lol. Corny, I know. Anywho, I’ll go back and spell check, I just had to get this off my chest.

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Posted by on April 27, 2010 in coming of age, dear diary


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Still here…my laptop is officially dead. Motherboard crashed. So off  to get a new one. However that will have to come much later. Now all my earnings are going else where,  to things of necessity. Thankfully I’m not in school anymore. So no late night studying, no midterms to turn in. So right now a laptop is not necessity. More like a necessary WANT. God what am I going to do. I’ve lost my baby. I feel like I’ve lost a limb. lol Im exaggerating, but you know. So right now, I’m just using substitutes. Any who I’ll try my best to start up my blogging again. Peace and blessings to all. Oh and HAPPY PRIDE!!! Ours have taken place already. I know weird. Most don’t take place until May-June-July. Enjoy and be safe:)

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Posted by on April 20, 2010 in dear diary