Monthly Archives: June 2010

Sweet Single’s Retreat

I sooo want  to go to this SWEET Retreat. It’s taking place in Isla Mujeres, Mexico and it’s a Singles Retreat 🙂 So no annoying couples drooling over each other. No third wheel situations, because everyone is single, right. It’s in May and I truely believe this place is calling my name. I’ve never been on an official vacation. And no, spending 7 days to visit family is not a vacation. Which I’ve been doing faithfully. I need a real vacation. And a retreat with a bunch of single lesbos, who identify with being single because they are on a single retreat, therefore I don’t even have to ask, yes this retreat is calling me. Plus it’s eco-friendly and I know they usually participate in volunteer stuff while on retreats or cruises. I’m not sure if their doing it on this retreat. They don’t have any specific entertainment/performers yet, but I’m sure they’ll be revealed as the date gets closer. Aside from anybody clearly reading the blog, I’m not going to blab to everyone about my future venture.  Only because I don’t want it to be all talk. I wanna be able to say, Yeah girl, I’ll see you in about 8 days. Im going on a retreat. Didn’t I tell you? As I’m reading over the Sweet website I’m thinking to myself. I think I’ll be going to this. I should be able to make it.  What has happened to my way of thinking. In the past I simply made it happen. Okay, so let’s get this crackin  I am going to that May 7 Sweet Single’s Retreat. And yes I will still be single by May. (I mean honestly, the eye candy out here is limited to stale totsie rolls and and yogurt covered raisins) barf

To Do list:

Call Sweet and make arrangements.

Make hair appt and buy that Aveda’s BrilliantTM Emollient Finishing Gloss (absolutely love this stuff. It has one of those scents that literally takes me back to when I was attending Aveda and living on my own for the first time) aww the memories

Get a second yoga mat. (My floor is so fucking hard)


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Posted by on June 30, 2010 in Lesbo stuff


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When Networking Becomes Annoying

I’m thinking pure social conversation is dead. The way hip hop is ‘dead’, so is a simple friendly conversation. A hi. A nod. A smile. Without having strings attached. I had a friend complain to me about how she disliked this city. “People out here aren’t friendly. Nobody talks to each other. I don’t even know my neighbors.”    Cringing, because admittedly I’m one of those people. Don’t know my neighbors and don’t care to. Until…I need to borrow a cup of sugar. Until there’s that apartment pool party going on and everyone’s invited  but me. She talks about the south and how everyone is so friendly and strangers come up and say hi and start up conversations. I said yeah thats nice…But, I explained, that out here nobody wants to talk just to shoot the breeze. There’s always a damn catch. Just when you think a brother is actually interested in your Ghana necklace and how you came to get it, he suddenly whips out a handful of C.D.’s and business cards and explains how he would like to add me to his ‘fan club’  Or the dude who acts like he’s interested in the Tananarive Due book I’m reading, but quickly switches the subject as he hands me his card regarding an Islamic church and how he would love for me to call him, so we can discuss where we came from Or this chick, whom I’m discussing my other 2nd home to, Mpls, and how we both miss the culture and nature, she abruptly cuts the conversation short to tell me about her ‘business venture’ and would love to bring me on board. (She said I had great conversation skills)  Or the coworker whom I’m meeting for the first time engages me about his homeland Jamaica, only to cut me short when I start speaking about my own culture, only to hand me…yes, a damn business card. He’s an aspiring DJ who would like me to spread the word about his future performances.   Or the sweet lady who comments on how I look like her niece and what church do I attend, only to cut the conversation short, explaining how she’ll give me a dollar if she could use my phone  

That’s, I explain to my friend, why I don’t talk to folks. Cause everybody wants something. Whatever happened to giving a friendly nod to a brother without him assuming that it must be more than that. Whatever happened to catching the breeze with neighborhood Joe without him trying to recruit you into his church/organization/cult. Can’t I just have an intelligent converstation without me walking away with a pocket full of business cards.  And I know folks have to network, which is extremely important, but damn.

Yet, then I think about my ambitious days when I had my own back pocket full of business cards and every conversation (stranger, friend, co-worker) became a sells pitch. Yeah, I been on the other end.

So gone are the days of conversation? Maybe it’ll make a comeback. Like Zoot Suits

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Posted by on June 18, 2010 in dear diary


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I see you


I feel you,

Thorned Rose

Embedded in crevices, folded in creases


Stained into my skin


Dissovling onto my tongue

Intertwining and compounded with sweat, as it seeps from heaving breast 

carving away sacred passages

Dwelling among a deep remnant

With past whispers of

Continual sustenance


As yours abates without pause

Mine heightens

Senses magnified

Fevered and sanguine sounds

Throbbing and pounding in my ears,

Pulsing against temporal lobes

Constricting, dialating, circulating

and back again

Cycle  of


As it flows onto concrete tiles

Biological rhythms,  lost to gravity


 pushing warm liquid between my toes

Igniting me

Draining you

Of your warmth


 fiercely matted within my tendrils

Cheeks flushed

radiating brush strokes

Of fire, not of my own….

Just Breathe…



Breathe my Love


Please, clean up this mess


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Posted by on June 14, 2010 in Poetry



In Response to Curve’s Top 20

Upon picking up the recent issue of CURVE, they also had an article which listed the top 20 things a lesbian should have. And I’ll have to say that their article was funny and on point.

Yes of course lesbos need duct tape at all times. Comes in handy when I’m securing the missus to the bed post 🙂  And works like a charm when hemming my pants.  Wow I thought I was the only one who did that. And that ultra femme tool kit. Sweet. Not a pink person, but I’ll knock down a couple walls with that sleek hot pink hammer.

Good lube, of course a must.

Lesbo sex book. Duh. 

Cat. Really? Since I despise cats (it’s a learned behavior from my mom. Who would cringe and look away every time a kitty sang the meow meow song. And would step on the gas whenever one was in the middle of the street, u know, in order to run it over) So yeah, I therefore hate cats. Though its seems like I’m NOT supposed to and lesbos just love them. :-/

Black boots. Kinda on the fence. Bought my very first lesbo black stomping boots when I move to Minneapolis. They were my first love. I would trudge through 3 feet of snow like nobody’s business. Completely sturdy they also became my work boots, great support. However in this hot ass desert, unless the boots have a 4 inch heel there really is no reason for the military boot. boo hoo. I’ve long ago tossed mine upon moving to this hell, but they shall return…maybe accompanied by a Harley 😉  

 What I’m relieved they didnt have on the list are:

Crocs 😦 barf ..They are ridiculously ugly. Comfort doesnt count. And people always seem to tie those things in with being a Lesbian. Sooo not okay.

Flannel 😦 Major barf. Instead Curve kept it crisp and clean with a white button down. And what lesbian doesn’t look good in one of those.

What they missed? Hm. Well all lesbians need at least one graphic tee. Doesn’t matter if your a corporate lezzie or if your chopping down trees. Some cool graphic tee or one of those yes I’ma lesbo tees. You know the ones

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Posted by on June 11, 2010 in Lesbo stuff



Open Letter to Essence regarding that Wack list of 20 things Black Women should experience

(And yes, I still pop open thee ole Essence mag every once in while)
The article “20 things every Black woman should experience” had some good points, such as the Homemake over and building your own home (loved that), freedom hair (nice), and living in another place(interesting). However, it ended there. The list simply seemed redundant, i.e. aunditioning and experiencing different cultures and places. Or just plain ole boring, hence getting a tattoo, texting, and blowing our paychecks. Half if not most Black women are already doing that in our daily lives. Yawn. 
I was hoping it had more fulfilling experiences.
  • Such as becoming a mentor. Not just for a child but perhaps a college student possibly entering into a similiar career path as you.


  • Or throwing a charity party. This puts a spin on our usual girlfriend get togethers. Instead of spending $20 bucks on that bottle of Shiraz, tell the guest to instead use that same money to donate to their favorite charity when they arrive or have designated charities at their disposal online. Be creative! Make it fun. This doesnt have to be boring or sad. Remember, your doing a good deed.
**And if your feeling really bold, use your birthday as a day for the less fortunate to receive your gifts. Tell friends and families to brings gifts or money, so they can donate them to local organizations or charities**
  • Mad as hell and can’t take it anymore? Instead of complaining, every Black woman should experience writing their first open letter to congress, the board of education, a local news station, a magazine. Anywhere you feel your voice needs to be heard and feel the need of urgent change. 

**Venting to your cousin Keke about the lack of class room supplies at your daughters school, is not going to bring money into the classroom.**

  • Every Black woman should experience going to a conference, a march, or protest rally. We love to talk and most like to do it loudly 🙂 So why not take that strength and put it too some constructive use.

Do something Black girls “Dont”

  • Take up Salsa dancing, Belly dancing, the Cha-Cha, or even Pole dancing. Since Black women don’t go to the gym as often as your white counterparts, we absolutely have to get in the cardio and strength training in some how. Why not step out the box and be the first black girl on the block to sign up for that Merengue class:)

This is not an exhaustive list of things Black Women should experience and I know neither is Claire’s, just thought I’d throw in my two cents. Hope you could implement this in the Essence mag or to a Black women you know. Peace.

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Posted by on June 10, 2010 in Breeders, coming of age


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Black Woman Scorned part 2

The ‘issue’ of The Black Single Woman seems to be the theme this year. Everything from national headlines, to Nightline Face Off’s on Why can’t Black women find a good man. To the completely  redundant articles in Esssence on how to keep a good man. And let’s not forget these so called bachelors telling us what they like and how they like it. Then there’s the race issue of Black men looking to white women for relationships. Which is  slightly another topic (which I’ve already hit on) so let me just stay on focus. 
I guess I’ve been more or less out the loop or just plain not interested, simply becuase I’m a Lesbo. And as all women of this status know, we are obviously not representing  the whole Single Black Woman’s plight. Even though we are clearly representing ‘single’ black women. Black heterosexuals just fail to recognize us in their arguments.
Upon hearing these arguments some from women bloggers claiming who and what makes Steve Harvey an expert on Black women’s needs/wants/desires, hanging onto every word that comes out his mouth. Nodding Amens, all while clutching their Essence magazines.
To me, Steve Harvey is just another Black man with an opinion. If Steve is an expert than so are the men in barber shops, locker rooms, and basketball courts. These are men with opinions and experience.   No different from homeless Joe on the corner. Why don’t we get his opinion on why Black women can’t get a man.
Anyway I’m getting off topic. My main reason for writing this blog is because I happened upon about how

I Can Do Bad….

all by ourselves and the numerous deadly sins us women do to repel Black men. Number 1). Being a feminist. 2) Having a negative outlook on life. 3). Being bitter. (Which the author also linked with being a feminist).  Ouch! I can just see all my feministas cringing.   Maybe she should perhaps try looking up the definition of a feminist. No…I don’t think that  will help. How about hanging around a few feminists.  Where can she find them? At work. At the corner store.  How about going to a MayDay festival, PRIDE event, conferences focused on environmental issues or health care for women. Or even our lovely bloggers. And websites such as ,,, I’m not sensing dark, gloomy, and bitterful from them. Feminist are women who bring social awareness to issues such as domestic violence,  LGBT rights, abortion rights, environmental issues,  progress of women in politics and the workplace. Blowing the whistle on sexist ads and stereotypes. Being a child advocate. There is no bitterness,  more like a togetherness of like minds all working toward bettering and strengthening the community.

I wonder why it usually comes down to women changing OUR behavior to accomadate a male.
However, it wasn’t necessarly the article that got to me, it was the comments or comment by Miss Qui Vive. She responded with “…women have to be mindful of not being SO I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T…because doing so will leave you..A-L-O-N-E! Allow a good man to take care of you and be THE leader, protector, and provider… “
I  could possibly write a whole book on how many things are wrong with that statement. (But wait, writing a book, that would make me too independent. And I wouldn’t get my man )
Independent. I wonder when Beyonce came out with that anthem, were there some women silently shaking their heads in protest. Like, no Beyonce, we must let the MEN take care of
those things.   
I mean what excactly is “too” independent anyway.  
Is it work related? Should we not take up that next promotion or start up our own business. Is that being ‘too’ independent. Or perhaps being head of some type of organization or committee. Is that ‘too’ independent?
Or maybe it’s like a financial thing. Like taking care of our own mortgage and paying that monthly credit card statement on time. Is that ‘too’ independent.
Or maybe its like a social thing. With  women who are dating or married. I  mean I doubt women are breaking their necks  grabbing the check over dinner . We still expect the men to. I doubt women are beating their men to the lawn mower every Saturday morning in order show that can do it too. Or  is it decision making. Should we hold our tongues when haggeling prices at the car dealership and let the man lead the way. Or perhaps choosing which schools to enroll the children in. Or deciding whether or not to knock out the wall in the hallway to make an extra room. Should that be the man’s call.
What does being the LEADER, PROTECTER, PROVIDER, specifically mean.
I mean look at Michelle Obama. Would we even have her as our first lady if her parents had told her not to be TOO independent.
What about Lala Ali, Candace Parker, & Marion Jones? (All married with children) Would we be able to have black women athletes to look up to if their Daddy’s told them to  “Hush and be quiet and let the men take care of this.”
Why don’t we turn the tables and ask  Why can’t Black men handle our independence? Why are you men so intimidated? Why do your main strenghts have to be Provider Protector Leader?
Be original. Bring something new to the table.
Are all the Tyra Banks, Hoda Kotb’s, and Omarosa doomed to being single and alone simply because of their independence.
 But what do I know? I’m a fucking lesbian
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Posted by on June 8, 2010 in Breeders


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