Black Woman Scorned part 2

08 Jun
The ‘issue’ of The Black Single Woman seems to be the theme this year. Everything from national headlines, to Nightline Face Off’s on Why can’t Black women find a good man. To the completely  redundant articles in Esssence on how to keep a good man. And let’s not forget these so called bachelors telling us what they like and how they like it. Then there’s the race issue of Black men looking to white women for relationships. Which is  slightly another topic (which I’ve already hit on) so let me just stay on focus. 
I guess I’ve been more or less out the loop or just plain not interested, simply becuase I’m a Lesbo. And as all women of this status know, we are obviously not representing  the whole Single Black Woman’s plight. Even though we are clearly representing ‘single’ black women. Black heterosexuals just fail to recognize us in their arguments.
Upon hearing these arguments some from women bloggers claiming who and what makes Steve Harvey an expert on Black women’s needs/wants/desires, hanging onto every word that comes out his mouth. Nodding Amens, all while clutching their Essence magazines.
To me, Steve Harvey is just another Black man with an opinion. If Steve is an expert than so are the men in barber shops, locker rooms, and basketball courts. These are men with opinions and experience.   No different from homeless Joe on the corner. Why don’t we get his opinion on why Black women can’t get a man.
Anyway I’m getting off topic. My main reason for writing this blog is because I happened upon about how

I Can Do Bad….

all by ourselves and the numerous deadly sins us women do to repel Black men. Number 1). Being a feminist. 2) Having a negative outlook on life. 3). Being bitter. (Which the author also linked with being a feminist).  Ouch! I can just see all my feministas cringing.   Maybe she should perhaps try looking up the definition of a feminist. No…I don’t think that  will help. How about hanging around a few feminists.  Where can she find them? At work. At the corner store.  How about going to a MayDay festival, PRIDE event, conferences focused on environmental issues or health care for women. Or even our lovely bloggers. And websites such as ,,, I’m not sensing dark, gloomy, and bitterful from them. Feminist are women who bring social awareness to issues such as domestic violence,  LGBT rights, abortion rights, environmental issues,  progress of women in politics and the workplace. Blowing the whistle on sexist ads and stereotypes. Being a child advocate. There is no bitterness,  more like a togetherness of like minds all working toward bettering and strengthening the community.

I wonder why it usually comes down to women changing OUR behavior to accomadate a male.
However, it wasn’t necessarly the article that got to me, it was the comments or comment by Miss Qui Vive. She responded with “…women have to be mindful of not being SO I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T…because doing so will leave you..A-L-O-N-E! Allow a good man to take care of you and be THE leader, protector, and provider… “
I  could possibly write a whole book on how many things are wrong with that statement. (But wait, writing a book, that would make me too independent. And I wouldn’t get my man )
Independent. I wonder when Beyonce came out with that anthem, were there some women silently shaking their heads in protest. Like, no Beyonce, we must let the MEN take care of
those things.   
I mean what excactly is “too” independent anyway.  
Is it work related? Should we not take up that next promotion or start up our own business. Is that being ‘too’ independent. Or perhaps being head of some type of organization or committee. Is that ‘too’ independent?
Or maybe it’s like a financial thing. Like taking care of our own mortgage and paying that monthly credit card statement on time. Is that ‘too’ independent.
Or maybe its like a social thing. With  women who are dating or married. I  mean I doubt women are breaking their necks  grabbing the check over dinner . We still expect the men to. I doubt women are beating their men to the lawn mower every Saturday morning in order show that can do it too. Or  is it decision making. Should we hold our tongues when haggeling prices at the car dealership and let the man lead the way. Or perhaps choosing which schools to enroll the children in. Or deciding whether or not to knock out the wall in the hallway to make an extra room. Should that be the man’s call.
What does being the LEADER, PROTECTER, PROVIDER, specifically mean.
I mean look at Michelle Obama. Would we even have her as our first lady if her parents had told her not to be TOO independent.
What about Lala Ali, Candace Parker, & Marion Jones? (All married with children) Would we be able to have black women athletes to look up to if their Daddy’s told them to  “Hush and be quiet and let the men take care of this.”
Why don’t we turn the tables and ask  Why can’t Black men handle our independence? Why are you men so intimidated? Why do your main strenghts have to be Provider Protector Leader?
Be original. Bring something new to the table.
Are all the Tyra Banks, Hoda Kotb’s, and Omarosa doomed to being single and alone simply because of their independence.
 But what do I know? I’m a fucking lesbian
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Posted by on June 8, 2010 in Breeders


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