Cont. from Lesbo App…
In the Jan/Feb Curve magazine issue there was an interesting article “A Kosher Connection” by Merryn Johns regarding lesbian relationships and Dr. Frankie Bashans matchmaking services (littlegaybook.com). A question was asked, “What’s the biggest obstacle to finding love?” Dr. Bashans response:
“Ourselves! People have to be willing to step out of their comfort zones.We’re creatures of habit and tend to repeat unsuccessful patterns throughout our lives. People’s expectations are often unrealistic. As a culture, we’re fixated on appearance and sometimes set up barriers to getting to know someone who may be an excellent match because they have one feature or trait that you consider unacceptable.”
I love this. She hit it right on the nail. I think it takes alot of maturity and experience to mentally get out of that “my type” mind frame. It’s one thing to have a preference. But to set them so narrow and superficial…your missing out on so many potential soul/love mates.
We’ve all had or have specific ‘qualifications’ that we want our partner to possess. When I was younger I had this thing about black women. Meaning they had to be ‘black’, as in dark. The blacker, the better. Yeah I had a color complex. When down the road after meeting and dating my last wonderful and beautiful girlfriend who was very light complected and telling her about my ‘preferences’, the conversation resulted in tears (on her part) and a long heavy discussion about complexion, race, and social standards. Let’s just say, if we owned at couch back then, I would have been sleeping on it.
I went through my ‘big black woman’ phase. The bigger the better. The ‘ONLY black women’ phase. Any other race need not apply. Don’t even look in this direction. The ‘you have to have shoulder length dreds’ phase. Why? Cus it’s hot. The ‘you have to be able to seamlessly switch from stud to femme characteristics , with minimal makeup, laid back but outgoing, like alternative music, but not hard rock, be able to dance and playing an musical instrument is always a plus, college educated, have cute full lips, long eyes lashes, have a little hood in them, but not ghetto, oh and must love cocker spaniel poodles’ phase. *sigh*
Now that I’ve matured and looked back at those ridiculous guidelines, I realize that when my relationships were good, I mean real good, it had nothing to do with the fact that she had dark skin or dreds. And when shit was bad, real bad, it had absolutely nothing to do with taste in music or physical features. But everything to do with that thing called your frontal lobe. Your soul and energy. Your tempermant. Morality.
To get back to the point of which Dr. Bashan was making, is simply that our preferences just may be blocking us from our soul mates.
I simply laugh and shrug when I hear younger folks talk about how they want someone with long hair or that wears Jordans. But to hear grown ass women have these same converstions, just makes me cringe. I assume they still have alot of maturing to do, as we all do 🙂
With all this being said, yes I still have certain preferences: 🙂 Must have a beautiful vibe/energy. Spiritual awareness. Able to have a perspective/view point on a wide range of topics. Healthy awareness of your body and mind. Confidence. So sexy. Oh and you must love cocker spaniel poodles:)