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22 Aug

I’m wondering if the honeymoon is over? Pretty much. We had our first argument/disagreement, if that. Sometime afterwards she ask, “Do we get along.” I said something like, yeah, why? She didn’t say anything. Last night she asked the same thing. “Yes. Things may be a little tense because your going through a lot of personal stuff and also because people change overtime.”
I wanted to expand on the whole ‘people change over time’ statement, but she quickly got off  the phone. Even though it hasn’t been that long (2 yrs) I feel as though I’m not that same girl she fell in love with. Honestly I see it as a good thing. I was more timid and not as confident. I let a lot of things slide. Idk. I just don’t think she’s used to my now very direct demeanor and sometimes smartass/sarcastic personality. I don’t mind toning it down a little. I know my directness could be construed as ‘mean’ and my sarcasm can be… well…annoying. Yes, I realize all this.
As I rattled on about my past ‘relationships’, sexual adventures, pros and cons of having a cuddy…, the look on her face was close to complete shock.
“I’ve never heard you talk like this.”
She was appalled, to say the least. Talk like what? I thought.
I think  it hit me. I never realized how much of me that I was holding back, while I was dating her. She was shocked at my verbage and complete frankness. I realized that I had always talked like that…just not in front of her. I didn’t just tone down an aspect of my personality, I completed deleted it.
Why?
She said something that annoyed me and I directly let her know. Basically, don’t ever do that again and try to figure out a different way to handle the situation. I got the classic hurt look from her and she got really quiet.
Great, here we go. I wanted to add, “What? Are you mad b/c I’m don’t simply nod and smile anymore. B/c I’m not that ‘yes ma’am’ girl anymore. B/c I’m not that little lost girl that you had to rescue and ‘take care of.’
But I didn’t. I don’t think she was quite ready for that. And if that’s the girl she’s looking for perhaps we won’t get along.
Not ‘if’ I know that’s the girl she wants.
“How come your not a pushover?” She asked, with a huge smile on her face. I just shook my head and smiled.
“When are you going to bow down to me?” She asked jokingly. I simply burst out laughing.
Yeah, there’s definitely some things we need to talk about.

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Posted by on August 22, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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