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Feelings of Inadequacy

07 Sep

I feel like I’m not quite good at cheering people up, especially when I know I’m ‘supposed’ to.
I think the most frightening thing is someone saying,”I’m not feeling well, tell me something funny.”
O__0
Suddenly every funny bone in my body feels limp and frozen and so… not… funny.
Do I tell her how my co-worker skidded and rolled down the stairs that one day. Well wait, that’s not funny. That’s just funny to me.
Or tell her the youtube video I saw with that one guy, and how he made that one joke, but it’ll be much more funnier if you just googled it and watch it yourself…?
Or should I just literally tell a joke. ‘Knock, knock.’ ‘Yo mama’ ‘did you hear about the one guy who walked into the bar…’
This shouldn’t be this difficult.
Or when she simply wants to hear about my day to take her mind off her shit but my day was utterly boring. And there’s not enough exaggeration in the world to make it interesting.
She hangs up.
Yeah I would hang on me too.

*Sorry I’m not a comforter. At least a verbal one. I can show how much I care, I just can’t tell you.*

I can give you space. Or no space at all. I can cuddle you and spoon til you can’t take it no more. I can mix up my oils, jojoba and lavendar and massage your sore back, your scalp, your feet, your hands. I can take time to twist your locs as you quietly fall asleep in my lap. I can cook for you, bring you breakfast, lunch, or dinner in bed:) cuz I love to. And it makes you feel good and I love to please you
You know I do, cuz I’ve done it so many times before

But sometimes I simply have a hard time putting things into words.
But I do care
I swear

~

One more thing to work on

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2 Comments

Posted by on September 7, 2011 in dear diary

 

2 responses to “Feelings of Inadequacy

  1. Enigma

    September 7, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    I enjoyed this post. I can’t help believing that we have all felt inadequate in this way before. When someone is looking to you for something specific verbally, it can be very intimidating… Personally, I find the physical to be far better than the verbal… but that might just be me.

     
    • teresz

      September 7, 2011 at 6:43 pm

      Thanks, I completely agree 🙂

       

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