Facebook, ‘coming out’

17 Oct

In the Advocate advice column, it was asked if it was bad manners to ‘come out’ via facebook? Interesting. The author of the column noted that on his website poll, facebooking your ‘coming out’ status was highly unfavorable. However, in the comment section of his article people seemed to feel that coming out on Facebook was…okay. And that’s basically my feelings on the subject. There were some disagreements on how the original question was actually formed.

When you say coming out on Facebook, do you mean that absolutely nobody knows (except perhaps your lover). Or, do immediate loved ones know and your just bringing distant family/friends/associates up to speed.

Most agreed on the latter. I kind of fall into that category. I mean do I need to call every single person I know and divulge that yes I’m a lesbian. Not really. And honestly if you don’t know by now, then you probably don’t play a singnifant role in my life.

I remember years ago, when I first stated ‘lesbian’ under orientation on MySpace (hence, years ago.) Upon starting my page up, I left that area blank. Back then my thinking was “I have family members on this site, how could I possibly say I’m gay” (the horror!) Eventually, perhaps a year after my page was up I decided, screw it. How long was I supposed to hide. I put ‘lesbian’ or ‘gay’ (i cant remember) under orientation and that was that. I do admit, that may have marked the beginning of me and my sis awkward relationship. Something had changed. Like that elephant in the room and no one dares mention it. However, it has become better now.

Now fast forward to Facebook. Mind you, I’m not an actively participant on FB. I’m on FB but I’m not. I have no urge to write on my wall or update a status. I have no interest in writing on other folks wall, commenting or liking anything. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of these things. It just feels like wasted energy. However, I do on occasion post photos. I will, every blue moon ‘like’ a comment or photo. But I really have to like it, lol. And rarely I’ll make a comment on someones wall. And yeah that’s pretty much my relationship with FB. So this past pride when I decided to post my mpls-pride pics, I received comments like, ‘soo, youre gay now’ and ‘how come you never told me’ and the oddest one ‘go-girl, congratulations!’ huh? Congratulations? I’m sorry, i don’t quite understand, lol

So for folks that didnt know, well they do now. Perhaps in their eyes, they saw me as ‘coming out.’ But no, Ive been out for ages now.

So, is it good manners to come out on facebook? Absolutely. There shouldnt be any rules to it. Just do it. 🙂


Posted by on October 17, 2011 in Uncategorized


3 responses to “Facebook, ‘coming out’

  1. natasiarose

    October 18, 2011 at 8:21 am

    I agree! Honestly most of us have to come out to someone every freaking day of our lives. I.e. whenever I meet anyone for the first time. “Do you have a husband?” “No a wife” If I had to be out to everyone before I came out on FB, I would never be able to put it up there.

    • teresz

      October 18, 2011 at 9:34 am

      Yes! There’s never just one coming out. It can be a constant thing throughout your life. So why not facebook it, who cares

  2. Veronique (Wiz)

    October 22, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    Right……completely agree……I have pics and relationship status …that should be come out enough….LMAO


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