I’m sure one has asked that question at least once in their lifetime. It’s the question filled with confusion and bit of awkwardness. It’s the moment of sudden clarity that smacks you dead in your face.
Back tracking to a situation where we were supposed to ‘make up’ after a quarrel we had one night. Well, I didnt take the opporunity to do that. It actually wasnt even on my mind. I got out of bed. Decided that I hadnt sat on the balcony to watch the sun rise above the ocean. Nor did I take the time to read my doula book that I had bought along with me. Sipping my coffee, my eyes lazily mutitasking….staring at the distant waves, slowly reading the chapter regarding self hypnosis while giving birth and every now and then glancing at the Syfy zombie marathon that was taking place.
However, unbeknownst to me I was actually supposed to be ‘making up’ to A. And she was upset that I didnt ‘get it.’ In my head and also aloud I said if you were my girl then yeah I would have ‘made up.’ But your not. She said something on the lines of “Wow. It’s not about being my girlfriend, its about caring and simply being a friend. We don’t have to be together for you to check on me and see how I’m doing”.
Hm. Well, she has point. But where does it end.
I had ‘friend’ who wanted to hold hands as we walked through the store. I casually pulled away. She asked, “What? You don’t like to hold hands?” I responded, “I like to hold hands with my girlfriend.” (and your not) I didnt say that last part, but I think she got it.
Or the young lady who expected me to cook her dinner when she came over. When I ‘cooked’ her chilli dogs, she thought I had lost my mind. She was actually looking forward to a full course meal. Excuse me. Your not my woman, therefore all you will get is a hotdog and canned beans.
I don’t want there to be any confusion here. I’m not going to role play with you or play house. If you have a certain title in my life, friend, cuddy, date, bff, wife, you will be treated as such. You wouldnt treat your wife the same way you treat your cuddy. And vice versa. I feel like I make that very clear, through my words and actions.
I’ve seen it happen time and time again, esp. with lesbians when one side of the party is misled or simply confused.
When lesbians are simply ‘talking’, meaning in the stages of getting to know each other and one side may think they’re in a relationship.
Or if you’ve been in a relationship for a year or so, but you over hear your girlfriend refering to you as ‘that one chick I’ve been talking to’.
Or when the two of you have simply been fucking for the past 3 months, and you overhear her refer to you has her ‘wifey’ and she cant wait to make it legal.
This is the kind of stuff I don’t want to get mixed up in. Even little things like declining to ‘makeup.’ And maybe it’s my defintion of ‘makeup.’ Perhaps I’m thinking more on the lines of the intimate (not sexual) way of ‘making up.’
I could have easily went into her room asked her if she was okay and left it at that. You don’t have to have a title to care, you just have to be a human being.
I think in my head I was just setting boundaries. I don’t want to play this girlfriend role, (and get hurt in the end) if that’s not how you see me. I don’t want to be another example above. Me assuming one thing, you thinking another.
That’s when I placed the question.
“What are we doing?’
*views from the villa*