Category Archives: Breeders

the straight life

Open Letter to Essence regarding that Wack list of 20 things Black Women should experience

(And yes, I still pop open thee ole Essence mag every once in while)
The article “20 things every Black woman should experience” had some good points, such as the Homemake over and building your own home (loved that), freedom hair (nice), and living in another place(interesting). However, it ended there. The list simply seemed redundant, i.e. aunditioning and experiencing different cultures and places. Or just plain ole boring, hence getting a tattoo, texting, and blowing our paychecks. Half if not most Black women are already doing that in our daily lives. Yawn. 
I was hoping it had more fulfilling experiences.
  • Such as becoming a mentor. Not just for a child but perhaps a college student possibly entering into a similiar career path as you.


  • Or throwing a charity party. This puts a spin on our usual girlfriend get togethers. Instead of spending $20 bucks on that bottle of Shiraz, tell the guest to instead use that same money to donate to their favorite charity when they arrive or have designated charities at their disposal online. Be creative! Make it fun. This doesnt have to be boring or sad. Remember, your doing a good deed.
**And if your feeling really bold, use your birthday as a day for the less fortunate to receive your gifts. Tell friends and families to brings gifts or money, so they can donate them to local organizations or charities**
  • Mad as hell and can’t take it anymore? Instead of complaining, every Black woman should experience writing their first open letter to congress, the board of education, a local news station, a magazine. Anywhere you feel your voice needs to be heard and feel the need of urgent change. 

**Venting to your cousin Keke about the lack of class room supplies at your daughters school, is not going to bring money into the classroom.**

  • Every Black woman should experience going to a conference, a march, or protest rally. We love to talk and most like to do it loudly 🙂 So why not take that strength and put it too some constructive use.

Do something Black girls “Dont”

  • Take up Salsa dancing, Belly dancing, the Cha-Cha, or even Pole dancing. Since Black women don’t go to the gym as often as your white counterparts, we absolutely have to get in the cardio and strength training in some how. Why not step out the box and be the first black girl on the block to sign up for that Merengue class:)

This is not an exhaustive list of things Black Women should experience and I know neither is Claire’s, just thought I’d throw in my two cents. Hope you could implement this in the Essence mag or to a Black women you know. Peace.

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Posted by on June 10, 2010 in Breeders, coming of age


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Black Woman Scorned part 2

The ‘issue’ of The Black Single Woman seems to be the theme this year. Everything from national headlines, to Nightline Face Off’s on Why can’t Black women find a good man. To the completely  redundant articles in Esssence on how to keep a good man. And let’s not forget these so called bachelors telling us what they like and how they like it. Then there’s the race issue of Black men looking to white women for relationships. Which is  slightly another topic (which I’ve already hit on) so let me just stay on focus. 
I guess I’ve been more or less out the loop or just plain not interested, simply becuase I’m a Lesbo. And as all women of this status know, we are obviously not representing  the whole Single Black Woman’s plight. Even though we are clearly representing ‘single’ black women. Black heterosexuals just fail to recognize us in their arguments.
Upon hearing these arguments some from women bloggers claiming who and what makes Steve Harvey an expert on Black women’s needs/wants/desires, hanging onto every word that comes out his mouth. Nodding Amens, all while clutching their Essence magazines.
To me, Steve Harvey is just another Black man with an opinion. If Steve is an expert than so are the men in barber shops, locker rooms, and basketball courts. These are men with opinions and experience.   No different from homeless Joe on the corner. Why don’t we get his opinion on why Black women can’t get a man.
Anyway I’m getting off topic. My main reason for writing this blog is because I happened upon about how

I Can Do Bad….

all by ourselves and the numerous deadly sins us women do to repel Black men. Number 1). Being a feminist. 2) Having a negative outlook on life. 3). Being bitter. (Which the author also linked with being a feminist).  Ouch! I can just see all my feministas cringing.   Maybe she should perhaps try looking up the definition of a feminist. No…I don’t think that  will help. How about hanging around a few feminists.  Where can she find them? At work. At the corner store.  How about going to a MayDay festival, PRIDE event, conferences focused on environmental issues or health care for women. Or even our lovely bloggers. And websites such as ,,, I’m not sensing dark, gloomy, and bitterful from them. Feminist are women who bring social awareness to issues such as domestic violence,  LGBT rights, abortion rights, environmental issues,  progress of women in politics and the workplace. Blowing the whistle on sexist ads and stereotypes. Being a child advocate. There is no bitterness,  more like a togetherness of like minds all working toward bettering and strengthening the community.

I wonder why it usually comes down to women changing OUR behavior to accomadate a male.
However, it wasn’t necessarly the article that got to me, it was the comments or comment by Miss Qui Vive. She responded with “…women have to be mindful of not being SO I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T…because doing so will leave you..A-L-O-N-E! Allow a good man to take care of you and be THE leader, protector, and provider… “
I  could possibly write a whole book on how many things are wrong with that statement. (But wait, writing a book, that would make me too independent. And I wouldn’t get my man )
Independent. I wonder when Beyonce came out with that anthem, were there some women silently shaking their heads in protest. Like, no Beyonce, we must let the MEN take care of
those things.   
I mean what excactly is “too” independent anyway.  
Is it work related? Should we not take up that next promotion or start up our own business. Is that being ‘too’ independent. Or perhaps being head of some type of organization or committee. Is that ‘too’ independent?
Or maybe it’s like a financial thing. Like taking care of our own mortgage and paying that monthly credit card statement on time. Is that ‘too’ independent.
Or maybe its like a social thing. With  women who are dating or married. I  mean I doubt women are breaking their necks  grabbing the check over dinner . We still expect the men to. I doubt women are beating their men to the lawn mower every Saturday morning in order show that can do it too. Or  is it decision making. Should we hold our tongues when haggeling prices at the car dealership and let the man lead the way. Or perhaps choosing which schools to enroll the children in. Or deciding whether or not to knock out the wall in the hallway to make an extra room. Should that be the man’s call.
What does being the LEADER, PROTECTER, PROVIDER, specifically mean.
I mean look at Michelle Obama. Would we even have her as our first lady if her parents had told her not to be TOO independent.
What about Lala Ali, Candace Parker, & Marion Jones? (All married with children) Would we be able to have black women athletes to look up to if their Daddy’s told them to  “Hush and be quiet and let the men take care of this.”
Why don’t we turn the tables and ask  Why can’t Black men handle our independence? Why are you men so intimidated? Why do your main strenghts have to be Provider Protector Leader?
Be original. Bring something new to the table.
Are all the Tyra Banks, Hoda Kotb’s, and Omarosa doomed to being single and alone simply because of their independence.
 But what do I know? I’m a fucking lesbian
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Posted by on June 8, 2010 in Breeders


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Au Naturale

Now this isn’t new, I know plenty of women who don’t shave their legs. ME, being one of them. I last put a razor down there… hm…I’m thinking …prom. And that was like 10 years ago. However, thank the moon and stars that my hair doesn’t even show. Its super fine and barely there. Yippee!

Now Monique on the other hand. Well, I mean just zoom in to the picture. I really don’t think you have to zoom in. Monique speaks about her hairy legs along with her open marriage. She claims she’s never had sex outside the marriage. However, she said this with a bit of hesitation. Like perhaps she might have ‘made out’ with someone, but didnt quite do the do. (Just sayin) And she says her husband Sidney could have had sex outside the marriage, but that’s not going to be a deal breaker. Hm kay. I wonder who’s ideal it was to have this ‘open marriage’ when only one person seems to be participating in its openness. She also comments that having sex outside the marriage is not considered cheating (to her), its when you become emotionally attached to someone else other than your spouse.

Well go head Monique with your open marriage. I know my future partner better not come to be with that bullshit! Lol. But whatever floats your boat. Whatever works for your marriage, right. The full interview airs Sunday night with Barbara Walters.

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Posted by on March 5, 2010 in Breeders, dear diary


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