Category Archives: Poetry

Rum 4

*so just wrapping up the last half of  ch. 4, finally completed it, but the damn thing gets deleted off my phone. I swear i saved it. too annoyed to write it over, but it gets done. now when stuff like this happens either the second attempt is way better than the original, so your not mad that you had to write it over OR the second attempt completely sucks and your forever hunted by what couldve been. this draft is some where in between*
“Jaymese. Jaymese?”
“I’m sorry”….
“Huh?” Looking up through sleep filled eyes, I saw Yuri hovering over me.
“Someone’s at the door for you.” She replied. Her voice containing a hint of agitation.
I was sleeping. So that was just a dream? Of course. I wouldn’t be stupid enough to rummage through her belongings, with her just several feet away. With laughter tugging at the corners of my mouth I thought, “It’s all a dream. Only a dream.”
I practically leaped down the stairs and peeked around the corner into the living room to see who was waiting. No one. The living room was empty. Piercing my lips, I headed toward the front door. Don’t tell me she left them standing outside, in this weather. Typical Yuri. Unlocking and opening the door, I saw Ashley from one of my research classes huddled and shivering on the porch.
“Ashley? Come in, come in. I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, I’m sorry to just pop up like this. I know we don’t know each other that well, but uh…I think my laptop got stolen…I-I mean, I know it got stolen. Some one broke into my apartment two nights ago…and well…all my notes are gone. Everything.”
She was no longer shivering from the cold, Ashley appeared to physically be having a  total meltdown. Her hands quickly shot up to cover her face, but I could see remnants of her mascara already beginning to smear as her tears started to soak the cuffs of her jacket. Just as my hand reached out toward her shoulder to console her my brain went into a world of thoughts.
She’s not looking for a place to stay, is she? And she’s right, I don’t know her well. We worked on a project together last semester and she currently sits a few rows in front of me in my Statistic Research class. Yet I didn’t even know her last name.
Her soft whimpering, which cut through my train of thought, had now turned into loud howl.
I embraced her and rubbed her back. “Shhh. Don’t cry,” I said gently. Please. Stop crying. That’s all I need is to hear Yuri’s mouth.
“Girl, I’m sorry,” Ashley sputtered. “I just remember you saying that you lived right across from the Biltmore boutiques and well I looked at the mailboxes and saw your name and…and…I feel like such a stalker. I just didn’t have anyone to go to.”
“Ashley, its okay.” I said as I led her to living room couch.
“I wont stay long.”
My shoulders sighed with relief.
“I just wanted to know if you still have any of the research study notes from class. I lost everything.”
I could see her lip starting to quiver again.
“The test is monday and I have nothing.”
“It’s okay. I take pretty good notes and everything is on my usb drive. I have an extra one, so how about I just copy everything on it and you can just keep it.”
“Oh my gosh. Thank you.”
“No problem. Help yourself to the kitchen. You can make yourself some coffee if you want. I’ll just be one moment.”
“Thanks again, Jaymese.”
I headed up the stairs toward my room. Well this has been an interesting morning. Watching the Windows logo fade away on my laptop, I suddenly got an ideal.
“Yuri?” I tapped softly on her door.
I proceeded inside her room. The same room I had previously been in during my witch hunt in dreamland.
“My computer wont start. Can I borrow yours for like one second. I just need to copy some notes onto another usb drive for Ashley.”
“Bring it here.” She responded.
I walked slowly to her desk, slightly holding out the drive.
“No, Jaymese. The laptop.”
Inwardly cringing, I replied back, “Yuri, I don’t have time for you to fix my computer. Ashley’s in a hurry.”
“Well just bring it here. I’ll tinker with it while you do your thing.”
Ugggghhh. Why does she have to make things so difficult. I hate lying. To lie you have to be mentally creative. And I was obviously lacking imagination, because my brain simply drew a blank. Sighing loudly, I turned on my heels and proceeded to retrieve my laptop. Great. What now? Should I give my laptop a quick wack against the wall just to cover my ass?
The laptop was now on my home screen. I slammed it shut and went back to Yuri’s room.
“Here you go. Good luck.” I said tossing the laptop on her bed, as the computer practically did a somersault across her pillows.
Yuri looked at me like I had gone mad. “Well there you go right there. No wonder it’s broken. You don’t even know how to treat the damn thing.”
“Oops.” I said nonchalantly. I slid behind her desk, quickly glancing at her computer screen. Whatever had been on the screen was now gone. A recent photo of a waterfall I had taken some months ago on a vacation now took over her desk top.
“It’s all yours,” she said slowly getting up.
“Ashley is still downstairs. Can you make sure that she found the coffee okay.”
“Coffee is in the coffee pot, Jaymese. She’ll be fine.” Yuri plopped down on her king size bed and proceeded to ‘fix’ the laptop.
Alright then, how about you just leave already.
Come on Jaymese, just make it quick before she gets suspicious. I suddenly felt a sense of deja vu, except this time I was a complete nervous wreck. Sticking the usb drive in Yuri’s computer, I quickly transferred my files in her system. Instead of then copying them onto the other drive, I took this time to scan through Yuri’s computer. Where do I even begin? What exactly was I looking for? I glanced at her applications on the bottom of the screen. Software programs, spread sheet documents. I clicked on the most obvious. Her iCal application. Scanning through her personal calendar, I went back to the first week of November, the tuesday she was supposed to be flying out to D.C.
Sure enough, there it was in bold on November the 4th, “Finac. meeting with Fedco group. D.C.”  Well of course it’s there. Why wouldn’t it be? Maybe I had a wilder imagination then I thought. The whole Eric situation was simply a coincidence.
However… just because it’s marked in the calendar doesn’t mean-
“There’s nothing wrong with this computer.” Yuri replied from the foot of the bed.
Placing the laptop on the side of her, she headed back to where I was seated.
“Wait Yuri. Sometimes when I, um, you know, download music, I’ll download it and then for some reason, I won’t be able to find the song that I just downloaded.”
“What?” Yuri’s face was now scrunched in confusion.
“Just take another look at it. Please.”
She sighed loudly, but plopped back on the bed to take a look at my laptop again.
I took this time to actually retrieve the saved lecture notes I just transferred and copied them onto Ashley’s usb drive.
Okay, now where was I? Pulling up her iCal again, I skimmed the rest of her calendar dates. The events, notes, and memos attached to each one all seemed to fall in line with her past meetings and business trips. Okay.
Taking a chance, I decided to do a search for a word, pages, or spreadsheet  document. Hoping to get lucky I typed in ‘Fedco Nov.’ Several files began to pop up as the computer extracted anything remotely close to the words ‘Fedco Nov.’ Including a couple of files labeled ‘Fedco Briefing and Fedco CoverSheet.’ Opening the files, I skimmed over them quickly. They all seemed legit and relevant to her recent business trip…but it still doesn’t prove that she was physically in D.C. My eyes lingered to her mail application at the bottom of the screen. I didn’t want to go there. Looking at a couple of dates on a calendar. Fine. ‘Accidentally’ glancing at a few documents. Sure. But going through her personal mail. Now that was just beyond intrusive.
Just do it already. You’ll never get this chance again.
The touch pad was now a sweaty mess under my finger as I gave it a slight tap. My eyes lit up as her personal mail now took over the entire screen. My mouth had turned insanely dry and the only sound in the room was my heart beating heavily in my ears. I had never been this close to Yuri. In her private space. This does not feel right. I’m not supposed to be doing this. Yet my eyes went to that very convenient search bottom to the right hand side. The too convenient button that let you put in the day, week, or month and a keyword of an email that you wanted to track down. I narrowed it down to November 4th and typed in the word ‘fedco.’ Several emails popped up on the left hand of the screen, all revealing the word ‘Fedco,’ but once again at first glance they seemed irrelevant.
Above the deafening pounding in my ears, I began to hear my own heavy breathing.
Quiet. Hurry up, Jaymese.
I went back to the search tab and entered ‘lunch.’
One email popped up. Without having to open it, the email showed the first couple of lines:
Barbara Meade                                                11/4/10
How does SinLuci’s sound? Meet me in an hour and dont forget the Morgan files.
“You find what you were looking for.”
“Ahhh!” I screeched out a half scream and half gasp.
Nooo. This isnt happening again.
I could feel my eyes filling up with tears. Its over Jaymese. You’ve completely lost her trust. She’ll put Krissy and I out on our asses, again. It was time to stop the lies and simply be…honest.
“You see…I just wanted to know…”
I could now feel Yuri’s breathe grazing my neck, as her eyes presumably took in the obvious findings on the screen.
“I just wanted to know-”
As I hesitantly looked up at the looming email, I realized that the Barbara Meade message was no longer there. The computer now lit up with a full visual of Yuri’s personal calendar situated on the month of Novmeber.
 “…if…you…were going to be busy the last week of this month. We never get to have any girl time. I’d just thought I’d surprise you with a spa day and maybe dinner. Your just so busy, I thought maybe you could use a break.”
I held my breathe. Did she believe me?
Yuri looked from the computer screen, then back at me. Licking her lips slowly she straighten up.
“Next time just ask me. You know I don’t like surprises.”
“Oh, okay. I’m sorry.”
“And yeah, I can leave those days open for us to hang out.”
“Thanks Yuri.”
She gestured for me to move, so she could take her seat.
As I slowly rose from her desk I once again took in Yuri’s computer screen. There was absolutely no sign that the email had even been opened. What just happened? How long had Yuri been standing behind me? What exactly did she see? Was this another dream?
“Don’t forget your flash drives.”
“Oh yeah, thanks.”
“And your laptop seems fine. Have you ever thought to read your user manual.”
Piercing my lips, I replied, “No. But I’ll get right on that.”
With that, I grabbed my laptop and hurried downstairs to meet Ashley.
She had made herself quite comfortable as she sat curled up on the couch with a coffee mug in hand, eyes fixated on the TV.
“Here you go.”
Startled, she jumped up from the couch. “Oh, thank you Jaymese. I really appreciate this.”
“It’s no problem.”
“You know, we should study together sometime or at least grab a bite for lunch. I get so occupied with my studies that I forget to have a social life.”
“Yeah, me too.” I lied. “You’ve heard of SinLuci’s, right?”
“Whoa. When I said lunch, I meant a dollar coffee and cream puff at the corner bakery. Not a two hour plane ride and fifty buck entree.”
“So you have heard of it?”
“Who hasn’t? Doesn’t that one basketball player, um, James Landin own that place?”
“Yeah, I guess he does.”
“Wow, so is that an invite?”
Laughing, I said, “No, Ashley. And your right, the corner cafe sounds like a great idea. Lets make it a date.”

“Okay, should I do dressy casual or dressy slutty?” I giggled into the phone with my friend Taelor.
“Dressy slutty! Wear that green dress. You know the one with the zipper.”
“Cool, let me hop in the shower and I’ll be downstairs in like thirty minutes.”
“Alright girl, I’ll see you in a little bit.”
It had been a few days since my email discovery and I’d admit that I felt  relieved. Yuri wasn’t involved with Eric. Why would she be? I still couldn’t explain what happened with her computer, but I wasn’t complaining. Maybe it was simply a computer glitch. And after doing a thorough search on SinLuci’s, I quickly discovered that there was only one restaurant called SinLuci’s, which was definitely located in D.C. So everything checked out. She was out of town. Well that solved that. Poor Eric was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
After doing one last makeup check I gathered my purse and house keys and proceeded downstairs. Walking past Yuris room I poked my head in.
“Hey Yuri, I’m taking off for the night.”
No response. I stuck my head in further and looked around her empty bedroom.
“Yuri,” I sang. Hm, I guess she stepped out for a moment. Closing her door back half way, I continued downstairs. Upon entering into the livingroom, I heard Yuri’s cell phone go off.
Abruptly turning around, “There you are.”
Except she was still no where to be found. Yuri’s phone sat on the table stand a couple of feet from the door. I couldnt help but see the glowing digits illuminating from her Blackberry screen.

Why did that number look so famililar? Thirty-seven hundred were the  last 4 digits. If I wasnt mistaken, that was the extension to the front desk of an old job.  Why would my job be calling Yuri?
“Hello?” I repliled, before voicemail could pick up.
“Hi, this is Samantha calling from Boulders Resort. Can I speak to Yuri Koval please.”
“Oh yes…the Boulders Resort. She said you would be calling. This is her…sister, Yuri’s not here can I take a message.”
“Yes, just let her know the we found her watch from her previous stay with us, and it will be here at the front desk for pickup.”
“Oh okay,” I decided to take a chance, what did I have to lose? “Her previous stay around the 4th?”
There was a slight a pause.
“Um, lets see…well yes, the 3rd to the 5th.”
The 3rd to the 5th?
I simply stood there. My brain trying to make the connection, but something wasn’t letting it. At this point ignorance seemed to feel much better. I couldnt bring myself to put the obvious pieces together. A woman’s voice floated through the air in some sort of inaudibale haze. I could feel my body go limp as the room seemed to get a little bit blurry. It was the sudden crash that jolted me from my dazed nightmare. The phone had fallen from my hands onto the hard tile floor.
Regaining my composure I gathered the phone up, “I’m sorry,” I breathed into the phone. “Must be a bad connection. I’ll let Yuri know right away, thank you.”
“Your welcome and you have nice day.”
Before placing the phone back on the table I deleted the incoming call from her records. It was funny how easy lying and sneaking around was becoming.
I wondered if Yuri was beginning to feel the same way.
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Posted by on September 28, 2011 in Poetry


Rum 3

found this draft in my blackberry, clearly I forgot all about it…whatevaaaa

Relax. Just find what your looking for and get out. Quickly. Yuri rarely broke out of her daily routines. It was Saturday morning and she was starting the day with her usual hot shower. In about 60 seconds the air would start to fill up with the aroma of eucalyptus oil. I shook my head. So predictable. She would probably be in there for about 20 to 30 minutes, especially if she was washing her locs. And this being a Saturday, I knew she would take the time to sit and relax and twist her hair.
I bent down on my knees and presumed too look through her drawers of her desk when BAM!
It was the sound of the sliding glass door of the shower. By body naturally froze as my brain went through all the excuses I could possibly tell her.
I thought I left something in your room? (Wrong, I was never allowed in her room)
I wanted to surprise you with breakfast? (Well in that case what the hell were you doing on the floor?)
I thought I heard you call my name?
(So therefore you duck behind my desk)
Just admit Jaymese your ass is grass. I felt my fear turn to worry, then to disappointment. My brain reaching back to my 5th grade teacher, Ms. Cloud. She thought the world of me. I was the good student. The obedient one. I turned in my homework on time. I didn’t talk back. And I was sweet and polite. The model student. At least that’s what I wanted Ms. Cloud to think. Especially since I began a weekly habit of stealing loose change and dollar bills out of her purse that was apparently ‘hidden’ in her desk drawer.
“I’ll stay and clean up the rest of the art project Ms. Cloud.” I said, with as much sweetness as I could muster. She just smiled and patted my head as she left me alone in the classroom to do my ‘good deeds’.
When I assumed the coast was clear I quickly went behind the desk and right into her purse to see what goodies I would find. A dollar bill here, a couple jolly ranchers there. Nice. As I became occupied, I suddenly heard the classroom door slam shut and my 5th grade world came crashing down. It wasn’t the fear of potentially being sent to jail that had me frozen in place, it was surprisingly the disappointment that I would see in Ms. Cloud’s eyes as she saw her star student robbing her blind. The disappointment in myself that I had some how let her down. But as I sat there with my hand still wrapped around a now sweaty piece of jolly rancher, I realized no one was in the classroom. It had either been the wind or someone just shutting the door. The false alarm didn’t scare me enough to put my findings back into her purse. I simply tucked them in my pockets and made a mental note to check my surroundings first, than make a dash to her purse.

The glass door slid back shut. I loudly exhaled. How long had I been holding my breath? Forget it. This doesn’t feel right. I rose up and headed for the bedroom door.

Well,neither does Eric’s death.

I chewed on my bottom lip and glanced at her alarm clock. Five minutes had slipped by. I possibly had at least 10 full minutes to get in and get out. The 5th grader in me regained her confidence and turned back around to finish what I came for.

Yuri had a pair of stacked metal file cabinets that needed keys to open them. I gave them a quick pull anyway.
Locked, of course.
I then pulled out drawers attached to her desk that were open, but with nothing of significance in them. Pens, pencils, paper clips, calculator. Nothing.
The files on top of her desk were important, but might as well have been in another language. Just long excel sheets with numbers and calculations, and random summaries. Meaningless.
I knew where I would find what I was looking for.
Her desktop. Her phone. But I wasn’t stupid. And neither was she. Okay, so what now.
Her briefcase. Of course. I glanced at the clock. About 4 more minutes. I was wasting time. Come on Jaymese. I gave her room a quick scan. Where the hell did she keep her damn briefcase? It should have been amongst her other business files by her desk. I got further down onto my knees and peeked under her bed. Jackpot. For a minute I assumed her briefcase would be locked, along with combination codes and all. But it had a simple zipper that was actually half zipped. Perfect. I gently but quickly picked through files and glanced at random notes. Dates. I need something with a date on it. Proof that she was actually where she said she was. I flipped to the back of her briefcase and plunged my hand into one of the horizontal pockets. My hand fingered what felt like a some sort of receipt. I pulled it out and my eyes grew wide. It was her air flight ticket stubs to and from D.C. Smiling with a sense of relief, I clung to the stub as if I had found a golden ticket.

“You find what you were looking for?”
Her voice cut through the silence like thunder. I could my feel my face flush with intense shame and that oh so familiarity of disappointment.


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Posted by on September 5, 2011 in Poetry


Sweetest Taboo 3

all this time i was writing Charlene. I meant to spell it as Charlynn. correcting…now

editing errors and all, does this story have an ending

“Baby, I’ll just be gone for the weekend. Monday night at the most.”
Snapping out of my daydream I glanced up at Angela, confused.
“You’re grinding your teeth again.” She giggled. “Your so cute when your worried. I’ll call as soon as I get to Gina’s, okay.”
“Yeah okay, babe.”
She headed toward the bedroom to get the last of her belongings for her weekend trip out of town.
It had been two weeks since I had seen or even talked to Charlynn. What was I supposed to do? Just drop by, turn the game on and simply act like nothing had happened.
Or should I call and apologize? But apologize for what exactly.
Angela’s presence once again broke into my thoughts.
She burst out laughing. “There you go again. Too cute.”
I fought back the urge to say ‘I’m not even thinking about your ass right now.’
But I simply grabbed her suitcases and headed to the car.
“Come on Angie, your going to be late.”
If Angela hadn’t been so self involved she would have realized that my daily text and phone calls and almost daily visits to Charlynn’s had abruptly stopped. I hadn’t been withdrawn all this time because Angela was leaving. I simply missed my best friend.
“So what are you going to do all week without me.” Angela whined.
I”m sure I’ll figure it out. “Probably write some music. Maybe get with the band for a few hours.”
“Oh okay, well I’ll see you later.” I gave her a kiss and watched her drive off.
What now?

I plopped down on my couch and prepared myself for a full day of Lifetime. There were no plans of meeting with the band or writing music. After three months of touring, we usually took a long and much needed hiatus from each other. Of course this was something Angela should have known too. I began to realize just how easy it was to lie to Angie. I didn’t even have to try.

The ringing of my cell phone jolted me awake. How long was I sleep? I sprang from the couch and rush to the kitchen counter.
My heart sunk. I sighed loudly and placed the phone back down,  surprising myself at how disappointed I was. There was only one person that I wanted to hear from right now.
Lifetime was onto its next sad and dramatic tale.
The sound was turned low, but I got the jist of what was taking place. A pathetic looking brunette was seated at the edge of her bed reading a letter that had been left for her. As her eyes drifted down the bottom of the note her face contorted from confusion to all out misery. She balled the letter up and fell onto her bed in a histeria of tears. She must of heard some type of noise within the house, because she immediatly calls out and rushes out the room. Upon reaching the hallway that lead to the front door, a striking man (of course, dark and mysterious) is standing in the path way. There’s a lingering yet senuous stare, just before they run into each other’s arm and surrender into a deep longing kiss.
Frustrated I turned off the TV. The far fetched idea of Charlynn coming through my door and embracing me in a deep kiss crossed my mind.
Yet, the thing was I didnt so much miss her kisses I simply missed her. I wanted my bestfriend back.

It would be going on 6 months since Charlynn and I have been messing around. Technically between me touring and traveling it would 3 months of us consistently being together.
I’m not much of a drinker. I suppose I used to be when I was younger. But my getting ‘fucked up’ days were over. Now it  usually just took two drinks for me to be done for the night.
Exactly 6 months ago, I was at a local gay club on a Friday night. The couple I was with left earlier in the night due to a lover’s quarell. I remember thinking to myself ‘glad I don’t have that problem.’ At the time I had just begun dating Angela and we were basking in the bliss of the honeymoon phase. Everything was great. That night I dance and dranked like there was no tomorrow and by 3 o’clock that morning I was clearly wasted. Since me and Angie were still new I didn’t know how comfortable she would be with me stopping by her house in the middle of the night, in a drunken state, wanting a quickie. But I definitely didn’t want to go home alone. So naturally, Charlynn was my go to place. Plus, I was being a cheapskate. A taxis would cost about $30 bucks to get home, while Charlynn was literally a few blocks away. I decided to just walk and burn some alcohol out my system.
I had a key to Charlynn”s house, however, at 3:45am, I still took it upon myself to knock loudly on her door. 

Damn I’m messed up, I thought, as I bobbed my head to the last song that had played in the club that night.

 Standing outside for what seemed like forever, I went between subtle knocking, to making all out beats on her door. Apparently, I was still very much intoxicated because if I had any sense I would have simply called her to say I was stopping by.
I heard a rustling behind the door as Charlynn finally let me in.
Really, man.” She simply said.
I could tell she wasn’t upset. She appeared to be a little amused.
“I’m fucking hungry!” I sanged, heading straight to her kitchen.
Charlynn laughed but firmly said, “Hey. My girl is sleep.”
I rolled my eyes. By now I knew that if Charlynn’s ‘girl’ didn’t have a name, she was either a one nighter or someone she was casually dating. She’ll be gone by the end of the week.
Charlynn settled on the couch and turned the TV on.
“I see you enjoyed yourself tonight.”
“I did.” I uncovered a plate of what seemed to be leftover chicken alfredo and tossed it in microwave.
“You get any numbers.”
Charlynn, I’m with Angie.”

She stared at me blankly.
“You know, Angela. Don’t tell me you forgot.”
“Wow, your still talking to her? So I guess it’s serious.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you can say that.”
“Aw, my little bro is settling down.” She laughed.
“Yeah, maybe you should do the same and stop whoring around.” I said, as I settled down on her sofa.
“Man, don’t get anything on my couch. I know how you like to eat.”
I waved her off, but she was right. I was a bit of a slob and being intoxicated would only make things worse.
“And plus, I just havnt found the right girl.” Charlynn added.
“Exactly. Stop fucking around with these girls, “I said motioning upstairs to he room.  “And find a damn woman.”
She pierced her lips together and simply turned the volume up.
I just smirked. Yep the truth hurts.

I must have dozed off because I could feel Charlynn gently nudging me awake.
“Come on. Get in the bed.”
I knew what bed she meant. My own miniature home away from home. She had a guest room down the hall that I practically owned. There were a few of her cloths and items in the closet, but my wardrobe literally took over. Along with my X-box, dvd player, flat screen, and a few home accessories for a nice final touch.
I stumbled into bed fully clothed and began to call it a night when I felt Charlynn slipping my shoes off.
“Thanks.” I mumbled.
“Here.” She said softly, moving her hands up my back  as she also slid my t-shirt off me. Still leaning slightly over me, she whispered, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Thanks.” I mumbled again as curled onto my side. I began to wonder if senses were more heighten when your intoxicated. Or was it just the opposite. Why could I smell the subtle hint of amber in her locs or the clean crisp fragrance that rose from her cloths. And why was I able to feel her breath tickling the side of my neck. Perhaps this was the lingering affects of the tequila, I thought as I shifted myself onto my back. Suddenly the lingering scent of Quervo smacked me dead in my face. It was the shot Charlynn had been sipping on before I dosed off. I then wondered if we were somehow telephatic,  because the oddest thought crossed my mind.

I want her.

I always wondered on that night who kissed whom, but none of that really mattered. Neither of us pulled away when our lips touched and her tongue caressed and played with mine. Her mouth was soft, warm and inviting. Nothing like her rough exterior. I’m not sure how long we had been kissing, but her voice jolted me out of my dream like trance as she whispered, “Pull my hair back.” I quickly did a make shift pony tail, using a couple strands of her own locks to tie down her hair. Before I could think another thought, she was already kissing and nipping just below my stomach, dipping right above my thigh. A long moan slipped passed my lips. Damn. There was no way that Charlynn was going to hear me screaming like a little bitch. I clenched my jaw tightly. Hold it together, Maria.

Just as quickly as she had begun her torturous kisses along my inner thigh she abruptly stopped and yanked down my pants, exposing my underwear. At this point my euphoric daze had come to a crashing halt. I wasnt sure if it was the reality of now being aware that I was wearing lace panties and not the stereotypical boxers that studs are ‘supposed’ to wear and now Charlynn, of all people knew my secret or if it was suddenly realizing that we were about to have sex. The foreplay was offically over.

Bang, bang, bang

 I jumped off the couch and nearly tripped over the blanket I had wrapped around me as I scrambled for the door. Untangling the blanket from my legs I realized my pussy was aching and throbbing and no doubt I was probably dripping wet. Finally reaching the front door and squinting through the peep hole, there she was standing.




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Posted by on August 23, 2011 in Poetry


sweetest taboo 2

(another attempt at something…)

I heard a presence in the kitchen and suddenly snapped my head up.
“Hey, Charlynn?” I said, trying to take the sleep out my voice. ” My bad. I guess I fell asleep.”
I walked into the kitchen and proceeded to caress her arm. She must have just walked through the door. I could still feel the crisp air lingering on her leather jacket.
She pulled her arm away. “It’s cool Maria. Don’t even sweat it.”
She didn’t sound upset, but I knew she wasn’t happy.
Charlynn took a bottled water from the fridge and began walking upstairs to her room.
Damn. So it’s like that.
I grabbed her arm again. “Charlynn.” I said this time more forcefully.
She looked down at her arm where my hand was tightly grasping it. Her eyes then glaring into mine, showing obvious signs of anger and annoyance. At that moment I was no longer her best friend. At this point I could been some stranger on the street.
Maybe this was becoming too complicated. If this had been Angela I would have scooped her into my arms and planted kisses on her until she accepted my pleas for forgiveness. I would have promised to wash dishes for a month and we would later fall into a deep exhausting sleep from a long night of makeup sex.
But this wasn’t Angela. This wasn’t even my girlfriend. It began to hit me like a ton of bricks that I couldn’t make this up. How do you make up to your ‘boy’ that you were simply fucking on the side.
I slowly removed my hand and felt myself falling to my knees…once more.
Come on Charlynn. Don’t leave me hanging. I’m sorry.
Why was I trying so hard for her.
I felt her body shift as she stood in front of me looking down. The silence and the waiting was more than I could take. My body seemed to trembled with embarrassment and a feeling of vulnerability. If anybody found out about this…I could just imagine the laughter and hushed snickers at the next ‘boys night out.’
This is stupid. You don’t have to do this Maria.
All logic seemed to go out the door as my body simply stayed planted on the hard wooden kitchen floor. At least I had some type comfort on the carpet in the livingroom. The throbbing in my left knee resumed yet again. An old basketball injury that took place years ago often reemerged when I put my body through awkward positions such as this one.
How many minutes had gone by? Come on Charlynn
As if reading my mind I felt her forcefully grab a handful of my hair. I cringed at the stinging sensation that was now pulsating through my scalp. Biting down on my lip to distract myself from the pain, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to raise up and knock the shit out of Charlynn or simply stay on my knees and endure the pain. With that thought I heard the sound of her zipper slowly going down.
The cold that previously emitted from her body had now turned into intense heat. Or maybe it was the intense heat still searing from the top of my head or maybe the warmth of her strap-on as she slowly began to slide it out.
She loosened her grip on my hair and I let out loud sigh. My tense shoulders instinctively dropping and relaxing.
Charlynn took her other hand and began stroking the length of herself, which was the same warm shade of her skin. She slowly stroked the thick brown strap, up and down, for what seemed liked minutes now.
I opened my mouth with slight hesitation. My tongue slightly out at the rim of my lips as if waiting to catch falling rain. She raised her strap to my lips and guided my head closer to her. I could smell the perfume rising from her skin. Amber and vanilla. And her scent. Was she wet?
With some unknown deep seeded greediness I opened my lips wider and prepared myself to devour every inch of her. Engulfed in my own heightened arousal I didn’t feel the shift in her body movement, nor did expect the sharp thud in my chest as I forcefully tumbled onto my back. My eyes shot opened as I realized what just took place.
The bitch just kicked me in the chest with her boot
Charlynn let out a sadistic laugh.
“Perhaps next time you’ll follow simple instructions.”
With that she promptly turned around and headed up the stairs. I could hear the door slamming above me.
Completely humiliated and bruised in more ways than one I gathered my things and got the hell out of Charlynn’s apartment.
At this point Angela’s boring normalcy seemed very inviting right now. Things between Charlynn and I were not only getting complicated. This shit was just plain scary.

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Posted by on June 7, 2011 in Poetry


Sweetest Taboo 1

30 minute write. Basically writing whatever story comes to mind within 30 minutes. No thinking too deep and no editing (that much). Just write. Go…

I feel ridiculous. My knees planted into the carpet. Waiting…just waiting. I look foolish. Was I supposed to dress up? It’s 11 o’clock at night. Or was I supposed to dress down, I thought, as I glance down at my gym shorts and tank top. Well the least I could do was take my hair down. I reached up and started unraveling the single braid that was going down my back. Wait. Or maybe she wanted it up. Fuck This was not supposed to be this complicated. Our meetings were never complicated. So what was different? Oh yeah, she wanted to spice things up. Make shit kinkier than it already was. Which actually equaled to making things more complicated than they already were.
A smirk grew on my lips as I started to remember exactly why I was on my knees at 11:03 pm in the living room facing the front door. She had stole my original ideal. In a attempt to make my relationship with my girl more interesting I told Angela after I get home from my 3 month tour with my band, I wanted her on her knees, waiting by the door, naked,( except for those pretty red heels), like a good little girl ready to cater to my every need. I could see the hesitation in her eyes but I knew deep down she didn’t want to disappoint me. And as I gave her one last kiss just before I left, I felt her body shudder against mine. I knew, that when my 3 months were up and when step foot through my door, I would have the best damn sex of my life.
Well…either she forgot, or thought I was just bullshitting around, or simply didn’t give a damn, that night when I stepped foot inside my house, there was no chocolate goddess on her knees waiting for my becking call. Not even a semi nude chocolate goddess. Hell, was anybody even home. I heard a slight shuffling from the hallway as my girl entered the livingroom. Sleeping scarf wrapped haphazardly around her head along with her big flannel night gown.
“Hey, baby your home.” Angela said between yawns.
“Yes…I am.” Maybe I hadn’t made myself clear.
“There’s some leftover’s in the fridge if you want to warm it up.”
If I want to warm it up. “Okay, babe.”
An image of her ripping off that big curtain, she called a night gown, and tossing it to the side to reveal a sexy red lingerie, as she playfully giggled, “Sike!” crossed my mind. Yet that was quickly dashed away as she plopped down on the bed and resumed watching tv.
Weeks later I told Charlynn of my uneventful sex life as she simply died laughing.
“Man, I’m sorry to hear that.” She said between fits of laughter.
“Yeah, I see.”

Now here it was months later, I never knew I would be in Angela’s position. Maybe Angie did try. Maybe she was waiting for me, on the hard tile floor, but got cold feet. Or simply felt utterly foolish and chickened out. Kinda what I’m feeling now.
I remembered Charlynn’s request. It had come after several weeks of us not fooling around. Perhaps she was getting tired of me. Maybe her conscience was kicking in and she couldn’t bear the thought of cheating with me behind Angela’s back.
At our usual hangout spot at a local bar and grill I finally bought it up.
“So…what’s up with us.”
She simply raised an eyebrow.
“You know, we havnt done nothing in like weeks.” I continued.
She simply nodded.
“So it’s cool if you wanna stop. Man, just let me know.”
She let out a long sigh and reclined back in her chair as she took a sip from her beer.
Charlynn was your all around typical cute stud. Brown, not light, not dark, just brown. Gorgeous shoulder length locks. Full lips with defined cheekbones. Dark eyes that you could just fall in to, with the longest lashes any femme would be jealous of. Never in a million years would I think that I would be messing around with my best friend of 10 years. Not just my best friend, but my ‘boy’. And not just my boy, another damn stud. Who knew that the only sexual relief I could get was from a another stud. But hey, whatever. She was the perfect outlet. Nobody would ever guess. I could sleep over every night if I wanted to and Angela would never suspect a thing. Everything was gravy.
Or was it. Was Charlynn having second thoughts?
“Yeah, it’s been awhile.” She finally responded.
She took another slow sip of beer and set the glass on the table.
“How about you do for me what your girl couldn’t pull off.”
I tossed my head back and laughed,”Really?”
“Yeah. Really.” She said flatly. “Be at my place Sunday night. I don’t know when I’ll be home. Somewhere between 11 and 11:30. I want you waiting for me. And try not to screw it up like Angie.”
And that was the end of that.
Now here I was, still on the floor at 11:15, waiting.
This is absolutely ridiculous. When was this fool coming home. Not only was I starting to get annoyed, but I wasn’t in the least bit turned on.
11:17pm. Whatever
I got up, flinching at how sore my knees were. Damn, when was the last time I had been on my knees for 15 minutes straight. Never, I smirked to myself. I curled back on the couch. She’ll get over it. We can still handle our business. No need to get arthritis in the process I thought, as I massaged my left knee.
I couldn’t have dosed off in that short amount of time. But apparently I did. My eyes bolted to the clock hanging on the wall. Eleven thirty-two. Fuck

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Posted by on May 24, 2011 in Poetry


Rum 2

The smell is what caught my attention first. Something wasn’t right. And since that ‘something’ was coming from my bedroom, I knew to proceed with caution. Admittingly, I could be a bit untidy every now and then. A dirty dish here a heap of dirty laundry there. But I was actually getting a little better. Living with Yuri left me no choice. She was a neat freak, to a fault. When first moving in with her about a year ago, I was stunned at how she kept everything so meticulously spotless. Her bed, appearing as though its never been slept in. Her shower door, never seeing a hint of soap film and the kitchen (at least when she cooked) never having a drop of grease, speck of food, or random dirty dish haphazardly laying around. Out of respect I knew to follow suit as far as upkeep and cleanliness around the house. However, my room was a different story. Since I was naturally a clutter bug and unorganized, there had to be some type of compromise regarding my cleaning
habits. So we came to an unspoken conclusion, that my room could be a disaster as long as the rest of the house was spotless.
However, as disastrous as I could be, by my own definitions, I wasn’t nasty. And the smell filling up my bedroom was putrid. Taking a deep breath, I decided to take the funk head on. Rummaging through my waste basket, pulling out drawers, sweeping everything from under my bed, overturning my laundry basket. Nothing.
“Fuck,” I sighed, as I flopped down on my bed. As my head sunk into my comforter, thats when it hit me. Like someone had slapped me in the face with death. The smell was beyond rotten. I can remember once leaving a meat tray  sitting on the counter. After a weekend of not being home the smell that accumulated could only be described as: toxic sewage, ass, and death.
Leaping off the bed, I took the long end of my broom and pushed aside the blanket. The sight in front of me mimicked my wide eye stare and gaping mouth. As if in death, it was in as much shock as I was. However, my guts were still in tact and his seemed to be oozing  from it’s now mutilated belly and slowly being devoured by a steady stream of six legged critters. Surprising myself by the sound of a rather loud gag reflex, I flew down the stairs, through the kitchen, and stumbled to the back patio door. I would have hurled myself right through it, except for the fact that it was exactly 11 degrees outside. And even though I had produced a decent amount of body heat from the sudden short distance sprint, there was no way that I’ll be able to hang out in the freezing cold for very long.
Relax, Jaymese. There’s nothing chasing you. Whatever that thing is, its dead.
I unclinched my hand from the glass sliding door and collasped onto the couch.
I need to get that shit out of here and fast. Yuri would be home soon and I was now dectecting roadkill funk from where I was seated in the living room. My brain was working over time. The physical side was up and walking through the kitchen finding gloves, trashbags, disinfectants. And trying to figure out if the vanilla glade under the bathroom sink would be strong enough to eradicate the smell. The other side was thinking how in the hell did that wild animal find its way in my room and under my blankets. Was it Krissy? My golden and brown spotted cat. Had she attacked some poor defenseless animal and dragged the carcass to my bedroom. In the past she has pounced on her share of small mice and even birds. But since this creature was almost the size of Krissy herself, that would be a bit extreme.
I found myself in my bedroom once again. This time armed with ‘protective’ gear and bleach. Placing the trash bag on the floor at the foot of my bed, I took the dust pan and chucked the multilated mammal onto it’s new plastic coffin. I placed another garbage bag on top, along with my comforter and sheets. After a few more throat wrenching gags, I somehow balled every thing up and shoved one half in a garbage bag, and the other half into another bag. I took the load in a big bear hug and out into the dumpster on the side of the house. Even though it was clearly freezing, the crisp air felt good against my flushed skin. Exhaling loudly, I took one last look at the black dumpster carrying my dead bed mate. Well that’s the end of that. Before the temperature could take affect on my extremeties, I quickly scrambled inside and got to work on sanitizing, cleaning, and defunking the house.
“Smells good.” I heard Yuri call out from downstairs.
Good. I thought. Even though I had used every cleaning product we had and sprayed enough glade to cause an asthma attack, I figured the best way to get rid of a smell was to create another one. Fried chicken, candied yams, greens, and baked macaroni and cheese.
Roadkill? What roadkill?
Ordinarily I would have told Yuri about the mysterious mammal in my bed, but I had a strong feeling that this was the works of Krissy, my naughty feline. I had to beg Yuri to let me keep Krissy when I moved in with her. She begrudgingly agreed, but told me that she would remain ‘locked’ in my room at all times. And since Krissy was an older cat and had the tendency to be lazy, I don’t think she minded my 250 sq ft kitty jail.
Heaven forbid Yuri found out and Krissy would find herself in the nearest animal shelter.
“I was hoping that you cooked tonight, ” she commented, as she lifted the lid off a pot of greens.
“Yeah, I was craving some good ole southern food.” I spoke up as I rounded the corner into the kitchen.
She simply nodded in approval and collected her briefcase and over night bag and headed upstairs. By now I knew her routine. Take a shower. Catch up on a few post work emails . Tidy up and eventually come downstairs for dinner.  My week had been hectic. With Yuri gone on business for the past three nights, and myself working overtime for the past week due to a sick co-worker, not to mention the craziness that just took place this afternoon, it had almost slipped my mind to confront Yuri on Eric’s awkward visit over the past weekend. Almost.
Yuri usually sat at the dining room table, but this time she sprawled herself out on the couch and flipped on the T.V.
“Actually, yeah.” She replied, with one hand on the remote and the other tucked under her head.
“You want all the fixin’s?” I asked.
She paused. “Not tonight. Any ice tea?”
“Yep. This is definitely a country ass meal.”
“Yeah,” she replied. “But no ‘thick drank’ for me. Light on the sugar in my tea please.”
“Of course.” I said smiling.

After plates were made and we were both settled in I cut straight to the point.
“How did you meet Er–”
“How was your day?”
We both blurted out at the same time.
“You first.”
We both responded unanimously again. Rolling my eyes I burst out laughing.
“How was your day, Jaymese?” Yuri said slowly.
Hectic. Crazy. Insane.
“Good. Good. It was good.”
Yuri chuckled. “Good.”

“…brutally blugeoned to death. The 3 feet of snow kept his body hidden for days, however a store owner found his body in the back of an alley this evening. “Yeah, man I was unloading my truck and then I saw…a hand…sticking right out the snow…
“The young man has been identified as Eric Bradshaw, 22 years old…college student…wrong place…at the wrong…gang related…robbery…suspects…”

The news anchors voice seemed to be drowning out in a cloud of haze. My heart began to pound loudly in my ears.  There had to hundreds of Eric Bradshaws. Hundreds of black Eric Bradshaws. Right?  All of them 22, college educated…

“Were on two different pages. He likes modern, I’m more traditional. What I don’t want is another stainless steel granite counter top kitchen…”

“Why did you turn the channel.” I snapped.
Yuri held the remote slightly dangling from her hand. Her expression bored and somewhat innocent.
She turned toward my direction.
“Why did you turn the channel?” I said. Speaking calmly and slowly.
“What’s up?”
She seemed genuinely confused. Yuri looked down at the remote in her hand and turned it back to the previous channel. By now the story had past. On to world politics.
“Eric,” I blurted. “Eric was one the news.”
She continued to stare at me blankly.
“Eric!” I yelled. “Eric. The guy you introduced me to on Sunday.”
She laughed. “Oh, Eric. What about him?”
I stared at her in utter amazement. Was I in the twilight zone? What the hell was going on?
“Eric,” I sighed. “He’s dead.” I motioned to the T.V. screen.
“Wait. Eric, Eric. That was him?” She shook her head. “That’s deep.”
“Didn’t you know him? Wasn’t that your friend?”
“Not really,” she shrugged. “He was one of TooSweet’s boys. Shit, I didn’t even know dudes last name.”
The expression on my face must have looked awe struck, because she sat up and brushed the hair from my face.
“What’s wrong, Jaymese?” She asked softly as she caressed my cheek.
“Nothing.” I said flatly.
She continued to stare at me.
“People die every day. He was probably caught up in some shit. Plus, its crazy out there. You know how folks act when it starts getting cold. People start acting crazy. That’s just the way it is.”
She gave my cheek one final stroke and settled back on the couch.
By now, my brain was completely numb. I simply gathered up my plate, dumping everything in the kitchen sink and proceeded to walk upstairs and call it a night.
“Jaymese?” Yuri called.
“Yes?” I said, suddenly feeling exhausted.
There was silence. I was half way up the stairs. She wanted me to come back in the living room.
I exhaled loudly and peeked my head around the corner.
She stared at me for a few seconds.
“What the hell is that smell?”

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Posted by on March 24, 2011 in Poetry





I heard voices through the door.
I found myself stalling on the porch. Not so much listening, but wondering…
Why? And thinking should I proceed.
She would have let me know ahead of time of her plans. So it must be okay.
I slid the key in the door and entered. The hallway entrance blocked most the living room from eye sight. But I could see her black jeans. I could see her rise. She smiles as she walks toward me.

A simple hey slips from her lips.
“Hey,” I reply back.
I proceed to go up the stairs to my room. Leaving the soft chatter behind
me. But then she says,
“Come back down when your done putting that stuff away.”
There was something in her voice. A seriousness that didn’t match the friendly smile she just gave a minute ago. I turn around to face her. But there’s nothing. No clues, no hints. Just her. There was no need to search those eyes. I would find nothing. She hid herself well.
I started up the stairs and put each item away carefully. I heard male voices going back and forth in some friendly argument. Then I
heard Yuri explode in laughter. Our groups never mingled. Ever. Occasionally  I would meet one of her girlfriends and every once in while she would bump into one of my boyfriends or a girl friend of mine. But to hang out? It just never happened. And that’s the way she wanted it. But  tonight, why was this so different?
Before going downstairs I run my hands over my curls and attempt to flatten my now frizzy locks. What am I doing? Trying to impress Yuri’s loser friends? Maybe. I swiped my finger through an open jar of vaseline and dabbed it on lips before finally heading downstairs.
Before I could enter the living room, Yuri  meets me at
the bottom of the stairs with a smile. Once again that smile was very misleading. I’ve seen it so many times in so many different situations. Situations that didn’t call for a
smile at all. Tears maybe, but not a smile.
Hey babygirl. She spoke softly.
Hey I said.
As I began to wonder where this is going, she slides an arm around my waist and ushers me into the next room. As we round the corner I catch a glimpse of a long time friend of Yuri’s, Anthony and also a guy they called TooSweet. As I glance toward the automan to identify the other guy, my heart nearly stops and I have to catch my breath. 
It was Eric. I notice him before he raises his head to stare back at me. The feeling of shock, fear, betrayal, take over my body. Eric. In my
house. How was that possible? Before his eyes met mine, his hands reaches for his phone. His left hand. The one with the gold college graduation ring,
nicely fitted upon his index finger. Which also happen to fit upon my cheekbone and sometimes right below my brow. I felt a gentle squeeze around my waist, just as Eric glanced up. By then, I had removed any sign of emotion from my face and now I simply stared back at the shock and slight confusion in his eyes.

“Ya’ll know Jaymese.”
“What’s up Jayjay?” Too Sweet called out.
“Hey.” I said simply.
“Eric,” Yuri said, turning in his direction.”This is a good friend of mine, Jaymese. Jaymese. Eric.”
He nodded in my direction. His eyes refusing to meet mine. “What’s up.” Eric mumbled.
“Man, you want another drink?”  Yuri asked. Before Eric could even respond, she gave me another squeeze around my hips. “Pour my man a drink, Jaymese.”
Even though everything in me wanted to pull away from her, tell Eric to pour his own got damn drink, my legs simply betrayed me. It was like some outer body experience, as I found myself in the kitchen standing in front of the cupboard, taking out a large shot glass.

“Man, I think you drank the last beer, you don’t mind dark liquor do you?” I heard Yuri ask from the living room. The kitchen wall was blocking Toosweet, Anthony, and Yuri, but I could see the bottom half of Eric’s left leg fidgeting, tapping back and forth on the wooden floor.
“Yeah, that’s cool.” I heard him reply.
I guess that was my cue to reach for the dark rum. Yuri wasn’t much of a
drinker, however you would never know from the extensive wine collection she had situated underneath the kitchen island. As I began to twist the cap back onto the bottle, I realized that I would actually have to walk up to him and hand him his drink. I began to hear a slight clicking coming from the counter and I realized my grasp had tighten around the glass and my hand was trembling. What was I scared of? Yuri was here. I composed myself and  walked over to where Eric was seated. Scenes of me ‘accidentally’ spilling the liquor all over his shirt crossed my mind or simply bashing the shot glass against his skull. The vivid imagery helped loosen me up as I leaned toward him and set the glass down. Instead of letting me set it on the glass table he quickly cupped his fingers over mine as he slid the drink out my hand. Inwardly cringing, I turned around
to head back upstairs, giving Yuri a quick smile and nod.

In my room, I collapsed onto my bed. My head spinning. Glancing at my cars keys sitting on the side table, thoughts of leaving and taking a long drive ran though my mind. I need to get out of here. But then just as quickly as the thought came I quickly reconsidered. There was no
way that bastard was running me out of my own house. I flipped on the tv and turned up the volume, blocking out the voices downstairs. Thoughts of ‘how did she know’ and ‘perhaps it was simply a coincidence’ spun through my head. As my eyes began to get heavy, my last thought was Yuri’s ass had a lot of explaining to do……..


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Posted by on December 2, 2010 in Poetry