Facebook, ‘coming out’

In the Advocate advice column, it was asked if it was bad manners to ‘come out’ via facebook? Interesting. The author of the column noted that on his website poll, facebooking your ‘coming out’ status was highly unfavorable. However, in the comment section of his article people seemed to feel that coming out on Facebook was…okay. And that’s basically my feelings on the subject. There were some disagreements on how the original question was actually formed.

When you say coming out on Facebook, do you mean that absolutely nobody knows (except perhaps your lover). Or, do immediate loved ones know and your just bringing distant family/friends/associates up to speed.

Most agreed on the latter. I kind of fall into that category. I mean do I need to call every single person I know and divulge that yes I’m a lesbian. Not really. And honestly if you don’t know by now, then you probably don’t play a singnifant role in my life.

I remember years ago, when I first stated ‘lesbian’ under orientation on MySpace (hence, years ago.) Upon starting my page up, I left that area blank. Back then my thinking was “I have family members on this site, how could I possibly say I’m gay” (the horror!) Eventually, perhaps a year after my page was up I decided, screw it. How long was I supposed to hide. I put ‘lesbian’ or ‘gay’ (i cant remember) under orientation and that was that. I do admit, that may have marked the beginning of me and my sis awkward relationship. Something had changed. Like that elephant in the room and no one dares mention it. However, it has become better now.

Now fast forward to Facebook. Mind you, I’m not an actively participant on FB. I’m on FB but I’m not. I have no urge to write on my wall or update a status. I have no interest in writing on other folks wall, commenting or liking anything. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of these things. It just feels like wasted energy. However, I do on occasion post photos. I will, every blue moon ‘like’ a comment or photo. But I really have to like it, lol. And rarely I’ll make a comment on someones wall. And yeah that’s pretty much my relationship with FB. So this past pride when I decided to post my mpls-pride pics, I received comments like, ‘soo, youre gay now’ and ‘how come you never told me’ and the oddest one ‘go-girl, congratulations!’ huh? Congratulations? I’m sorry, i don’t quite understand, lol

So for folks that didnt know, well they do now. Perhaps in their eyes, they saw me as ‘coming out.’ But no, Ive been out for ages now.

So, is it good manners to come out on facebook? Absolutely. There shouldnt be any rules to it. Just do it. 🙂


Posted by on October 17, 2011 in Uncategorized


Lynx Celebration

If you havnt already heard by now, the WNBA Lynx have won the Championship!

The Minnesota Lynx and fans are celebrating the teams WNBA championship in the Twin Cities today. This will be the first win in 20 years for any professional sports championship in Minnesota. Leave it to the Lynx to break that record!

Also, Augustus was named MVP. Yeah!

(of course A. calls me from the parade, saying that it was crazy packed and already with a beer in hand)

and here i am at work 😦

Well enjoy

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Posted by on October 11, 2011 in Uncategorized


next countdown

And yet begans another countdown. The countdown for eventually leaving Phoenix. I never thought this day would come. Renewal of my lease is coming up and Im  going for 6 months. Not that Im necessarily moving in 6 months. I simply don’t want to be commited to a full year here. I am anxious to say the least. A tad bit worried. It was so different 8 years ago, leaving mom’s home abruptly with exactly 2000 bucks in my pocket and a plane ticket. It was fun, exhilirating, and a little bit scary. But fun…scary. I loved it. Finally being on my own. I had the time of my life. I got jobs easily. Had a nice circle friends. It was quite nice. And the thing is, no serious planning went into it. I just simply…left.

Now its a tad bit different. I need to think about job security. Being able to transfer, which I will. 2 g’s in my pocket will simply not cut it. This is not some extended getway like before. This is final. What will family say? Do I care?  Will I still move? (of course) When I do make the move, what if me and A. simply dont connect like we thought we would? Would it be awkward that im now living in ‘her’ city? lol goodness

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Posted by on October 10, 2011 in dear diary


black lesbian poets tour 2011

The Revival: 2nd Annual Revival, Black Lesbian Poets Tour is scheduled to hit up the east coast and mid-west this October.

Previous events have passed, but their last tour coming up is

October 14, 2011: Chicago, Ill., with Patience Soprano

This collective of beautiful poets and artist are made up of LOVE the poet, Cave Canem, t ai freedom, Solrose and Punany, amongst others and local guest. Held in private venues, these talented poets express life experiences through prose, music, and art. For more info. checkout the website.

The Revival

Past dates below:

Thursday, October 6, 2011: Washington DC with Bettina Judd
Friday, October 7, 2011: Brooklyn, NY with R. Erica Doyle
Saturday, October 8, 2011: Philadelphia, PA with E. Kairo Miles

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Posted by on October 10, 2011 in Lesbo stuff


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Vacay number 3

The countdown officially begins for me and A’s (3rd) vacation. 19 days and counting. This will be the last trip for us this year. I’ve been spending way too much money on vacations, but I’ve enjoyed them all. So unless she’s giving me an all expense paid trip, then I’ll just have to see her next year. This one is going to be amazing and more about relaxing. The other ones were about running around, (Pride, Janet Jackson concert) trying to be here and there. This trip will simply be us living the lazy life on the beach. In our jackets I’m sure, lol. She however did mention recently that she would love to have me for Christmas. Really? For a moment I thought I was the only one initiating any get together’s between us. she would love to have me for christmas Yes, I like the sound of that. We’ll see, though. That might be a bit hard. Since I know for a fact I won’t be seeing the family for thanksgiving, I’m pretty sure they’ll come down for Christmas. Perhaps I can split the two. Have christmas with the fam and then catch a red eye to mpls? Who knows. For now Ill just focus on Newport and late nights on the beach:)

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Posted by on October 5, 2011 in dear diary


Loving yourself

I really like this woman. Just her ‘around the way’ personality, confidence, and intelligence, is very refreshing. Recently saw her youtube videos, with the focus on maintenance with natural hair, but she also has a video speaking on weight and weight loss, titled Less Fat, More Problems. I really enjoyed this clip, I could absolutely relate. And it didn’t have to do necessarily with weight loss. But more on the aspect of having really low self esteem for so long, then for whatever reason, weight loss, self help/therapy, maturing, that Aha! moment, whatever, you later gain confidence and love for yourself.
 I could relate.
It just reminded me of all the people who were close to me in mpls, maybe except for K. they all came into my life when my self esteem was utterly low. And for me, it took over my personality and what people saw of me. There were a lot of things that I thought to myself, I just never had the confidence to say aloud. “What will people say?” “What will they think of me?” And actually I would be on the opposite end of being fat and having low self esteem. Honestly, I think I simply hid behind my looks. I’ll just be honest, its not about being vain. But back then I felt I had my looks going for me, so why add anything else to the pot. I know, sad. I was cute and petite. On top of that I had that ‘black girl long hair.’ You know hair that’s not actually long, speaking in general. (Bra length).  I mean everything was right on point. You couldnt tell me nothing. 😉
I had amazing versatility. I could pull off the stud look when I wanted to and then fall back into femme mode (when I hit the cluds) seamlessly.
However, with all that, I still had low self esteem. I hid behind physical features, for fear of what others would think of my personality. But being ‘cute’ can only go so far. If you don’t have a personality to go along with it, then you have nothing. And that ‘cuteness’ began to catch up with me. Relationships failed, friendships came and went. Acquaintance’s never even lasted. I was socially awkward. It was hard for me to communicate, espeically in social settings, from huge issues to little ass stuff. I was fearful of letting people in. And the thing is, since it took so long for me to be open and just be me, by that time, acquaintances were long gone. lol. Who wants to wait til I peeled off all my layers to reveal my true self. Issues.
Anyways, those days are in the past. Beautifulbrwnbabydols video just took me back to how your treated and how the world looks to you when you have no or low self esteem compared to when you have confidence.
I think for me, since I’m not that person anymore, I don’t think I’ve so much lost any friends, I think that they’re just surprised. Like what I’m dealing with, regarding A. She met me at that time. Low self esteem. And now that I’m not that person, she just has difficult time grasping the ‘new me.’ And I wouldnt even say ‘new me’ because those traits have always been there. It just took a certain comfort level to drag it out of me.
Anyways, really enjoyed her view on losing weight and gaining self esteem. For me the only negative thing as far as building confidence is probably just the reactions from people who arent used to seeing that side of me. They tell me that  I’ve either changed or the people who were drawn to my lower self esteem personalilty are now taken aback. Like they don’t know how to act. It’s almost funny. So I guess not so much negative. Just interesting.
And also, even though I’m not dealing with those issues now, doing the Big Chop has really forced me to be even more outgoing. Something about having a twa, you have no choice but to be fierce:) Love it!

Posted by on October 3, 2011 in Uncategorized


“Oil Infusion Set” review…well kinda

I think I stumbled upon this product while watching youtube naturals last night. You would have thought I was newly natural with the videos I’ve been taking in. But no, just newly chopped. Trying to get an idea of how other twa’s style there hair. Anyway’s there were alot of videos expressing their thoughts on the (olive) “Oil Infusion Set” by Carol’sDaughter. The oil infusion set uses the product khoret amen, which has been a staple product pretty much since CD’s introduced her line. I first saw the Khoret Amen line several years ago, when I first discovered Carol’sDaughter, however I was always turned off simply by the name. ‘Khoret’ reminded me of carrots, so I just never came around to purchasing it, lol. I know, stupid. And I may be wrong about this, but I could have sworn she took the Khoret Amen line down some time ago, so I was surprised to see it up again in the form of the ‘Oil Infusion Set.”

Now basically this is my review/assumption of the product. The assumption is because, I’ve never used it. (Don’t you just love reviews from people who have never even used the products) . After watching several tuturials of how naturals used the ‘Oil Infusion’, and how their hair was reportedly manageble, soft, and detangled, I started thinking, well…if you put any oil, such as jojoba, olive, avocado oil, on your hair and scalp and lathered on top of that a good deep conditioner, such as any CarolsDaughter cond., sheamoisture, Motions, etc, than sat under a dryer for about 30 minutes, I would be absolutely shocked if my hair didnt feel manageble, soft, and detangled.

And honestly most folks have these ingredients at home right now. Who doesnt have a bottle of conditioner in their home? I’m guessing some would even have a ‘deep’ conditioner sitting on their shelves right now. And if you just so happen to have a bottle of olive oil in your kitchen cabinet, then there you go, oil infusion set in your home, saving you a sweet $25 bucks. I mean honestly whats the difference?

Whats in the Khoret Amen Hair Oil?

Olea Europaea (Olive) Fruit Oil, Fragrance (Parfum), Lavandula Angustifolia (Lavender) Flower Extract, Salvia Officinalis (Sage) Leaf Extract, Cananga Odorata (Ylang Ylang) Oil, Pogostemon Cablin (Patchouli) Oil, Jumiperus Virhiniana (Cedarwood) Oil, Salvia Sclarea (Clary Sage) Oil, Pimenta Racemosa (Bay) Oil

So basically she uses one carrier oil which would be the Olive Oil and various essential oils. And honestly the essential oils are there more or less to create the ‘khoret amen’ fragrance. But don’t get me wrong, these EO’s do contain beneficial properties, such as lavendar being a anti-inflammatory and sage, an anti-fungal. But without the EO’s added would you lose the hydrating and moisturizing affects? I honestly don’t think so.

What’s in your kitchen cabinet Olive Oil?…

Olive Oil
(Feel free to add in essential oils) *

Whats in the Khoret Amen Hair Smoothie?

Water (Aqua), Cetearyl Alcohol, Glycerin, Brassicamidopropyl Dimethylamine, Helianthus Annuus (Sunflower) Seed Oil, Amodimethicone, Olea Europaea (Olive) Fruit Oil, Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea Butter), Theobroma Cacao (Cocoa) Seed Butter, Mauritia Flexuosa (Buriti) Fruit Oil, Prunus Amygdalus Dulcis (Sweet Almond) Oil, Triticum Vulgare (Wheat) Germ Oil, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Panthenol (Pro-vitamin B5), Tocopheryl Acetate (Vitamin E), Hydrolyzed Soy Protein, Cananga Odorata (Ylang Ylang) Oil, Pogostemon Cablin (Patchouli) Oil, Juniperus Virginiana (Cedarwood) Oil, Salvia Sclarea (Clary Sage) Oil, Pimenta Racemosa (Bay) Oil, Caprylyl Glycol, Hexylene Glycol, Cyclopentasiloxane, Tetrasodium EDTA, Aspartic Acid, Polysorbate 20, PEG-40 Castor Oil, Potassium Sorbate, Phenoxyethanol, Fragrance (Parfum)

Whats in my conditioner at home?

deionized water, butyrospermum parkii (shea butter), argan oil, cetyl esters, sea kelp extract, panthenol (vitamin b-5), ammonium salt, essential oil blend, avocado oil, lonicera caprifolium (honeysuckle) flower and lonicera japonica (japanese honeysuckle) flower extract, tocopherol (vitamin e), hyssopus officinalis extract, salvia officinalis (sage) leaf and equisetum arvense extract, soybean oil, daucus carota sativa (carrot) seed oil.

Both pretty much have really good natural and moisturing ingredients.

Now the only thing that’s new to me is the technique of the product. I have to admit I’ve never tried oil and a conditioner at the same time. If I’m doing a hot oil treatment, it’s simply putting oil on my hair then sitting under a dryer. So yes, the “Oil Infusion Set” technique is something new to me that I cant wait to try, but do I specifically need the “Khoret Amen Infusion Oil Set” to get the same benefits? I really don’t think so.

But hey, I could be wrong, this wouldnt be the first time.

 So personally I’ll pass on the “Oil Infusion Set.” But the technique, yeah I’ll definitely be trying that.

*For any ‘kitchen chemist’ out there, make sure your using ph balance strips for any homemade hair concoctions. And also create small batches that you will likely use within 1 to 2 wks. It cuts down on bacteria potenially forming 🙂


Posted by on September 29, 2011 in dear diary


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